Classic Poem

On John H OGG , late Porter to the University of S T . A NDREWS .

D EATH , what's ado? the de'il belicker,
Or wi' your stang you ne'er had pricket,
Or our auld Alma Mater tricket
O' poor John Hogg,
And trail'd him ben thro' your mark wicket
As dead's a log.

Now ilka glaikit scholar loun
May dander wae wi' duddy gown;
Kate Kennedy to dowy crune
May mourn and clink,
And steeples o' St. Andrews town
To yird may sink.

Sin' Pauly Tam, wi' canker'd snout,
First held the students in about,
To wear their claes as black as soot,
They ne'er had reason,
Till Death John's haffit gae a clout
Sae out o' season.

Whan regents met at common schools,
He taught auld Tam to hale the dules,
And eident to row right the bowls,
Like ony emmack;
He kept us a' within the rules
Strict academic

Heh! wha will tell the students now
To meet the Pauly cheek for chow,
Whan he, like frightsome wirrikow,
Had wont to rail,
And set our stamacks in a low,
Or we turn'd tail.

Ah, Johnny! aften did I grumble
Frae cozy bed fu' ear' to tumble,
Whan art and part I'd been in some ill,
Troth I was swear;
His words they brodit like a wumil
Frae ear to ear.

Whan I had been fu' laith to rise,
John than begude to moralize:
" The tither nap, the sluggard cries,
" And turns him round,
" Sae spake auld Solomon the wise,
" Divine profound! "

Nae dominie, or wise Mess John,
Was better lear'd in Solomon;
He cited proverbs one by one
Ilk voice to tame:
He gar'd ilk sinner sigh an' groan,
And fear hell's flame.

" I hae nae meikle skill, quo' he,
" In what you ca' philosophy;
" It tells that baith the earth and sea
" Rin round about;
" Either the Bible tells a lie,
" Or ye're a' out.

" It's i' the Psalms o' David writ,
" That this wide warld ne'er should flit,
" But on the waters coshly sit
" Fu' steeve and lasting:
" An' was na he a head o' wit
" At sic contesting! "

On einings cauld wi' glee we'd trudge
To heat our shins in Johnny's lodge;
The de'il ane thought his bum to budge
Wi' siller on us:
To claw het pints we'd never grudge
O' molationis .

Say, ye red gowns! that aften here
Hae toasted cakes to Katie's beer,
Gin e'er thir days hae had their peer,
Sae blythe, sae daft!
You'll ne'er again in life's career
Sit ha'f sae saft.

Wi' haffit locks sae smooth and sleek,
John look'd like ony ancient Greek;
He was a Naz'rene a' the week,
And doughtna tell out,
A bawbee Scots to scrape his check
Till Sunday fell out,

For John ay loo'd to turn the pence,
Thought poortith was a great offence:
" What recks tho' ye ken mood and tense?
" A hungry wame
" For gowd wad wi' them baith dispense
" At ony time.

" Ye ken what ails maun ay befal
" The chiel that will be prodigal;
" Whan wasted to the very spaul
" He turns his tusk,
" For want o' comfort to his saul
" O' hungry husk. "

Ye royit louns! just do as he'd do;
For mony braw green shaw an' meadow
He's left to cheer his dowy widow,
His winsome Kate,
That to him prov'd a canny she-dow,
Baith air and late.