Classic Poem

Posthaste from Italy arrives my lover.
Shall I to you, good friends, my fears discover?
Should foreign modes his virtues mar and mangle,
And caro sposo prove Sir Dingle Dangle,
No sooner joined than separate we go.
Abroad, we never shall each other know;
At home, I mope above — he'll pick his teeth below.
In sweet domestic chat we ne'er shall mingle,
And, wedded though I am, shall still live single.
However modish, I detest this plan.
For me no mawkish creature, weak and wan:
He must be English and an English- man .
To Nature and his country false and blind,
Should Belville dare to twist his form and mind,
I will discard him, and, to Britain true,
A Briton choose — and, maybe, one of you.
Nay, don't be frightened, I am but in jest;
Freemen, in love or war, should ne'er be pressed.

If you would know my utmost expectation,
'Tis one unspoiled by travelled education,
With knowledge, taste, much kindness and some whim,
Good sense to govern me — and let me govern him.
Great love of me must keep his heart from roving,
Then I'll forgive him if he proves too loving.
If in these times I should be blessed by fate
With such a phoenix, such a matchless mate,
I will by kindness and some small discerning
Take care that Hymen's torch continues burning.
At weddings nowadays, the torch, thrown down,
Just makes a smoke, then stinks throughout the town.
No married puritan, I'll follow pleasure
And even the fashion, but in moderate measure;
I will of opera ecstasies partake,
Though I take snuff to keep myself awake;
No rampant plumes shall o'er my temples play,
Foretelling that my brains will fly away;
Nor from my head shall strange vagaries spring,
To show the soil can teem with everything.
No fruits, roots, greens, shall fill the ample space,
A kitchen garden to adorn my face.
No rocks shall there be seen, no windmill, fountain,
Nor curls, like guns set round, to guard the mountain.
O learn, ye fair, if this same madness spreads,
Not to hold up but to keep down your heads.
Be not misled by strange fantastic art,
But in your dress let Nature take some part.
Her skill alone a lasting power ensures,
And best can ornament such charms as yours.