Classic Poem

Dear Cosmopolitan, — I know
I should address you a Rondeau ,
Or else announce what I 've to say
At least en Ballade fratrisee;
But No: for once I leave Gymnasticks,
And take to simple Hudibrasticks;
Why should I choose another Way,
When this was good enough for Gay ?

You love, my F RIEND , with me, I think,
That Age of Lustre and of Link;
Of Chelsea China and long " s " es,
Of Bag-wigs and of flowered Dresses;
That Age of Folly and of Cards,
Of Hackney Chairs and Hackney Bards;
— No H — LTS , no K — G — N P — LS were then
Dispensing Competence to Men;
The gentle Trade was left to Churls,
Your frowsy T ONSONS and your C URLLS ;
Mere Wolves in Ambush to attack
The Author in a Sheep-skin Back;
Then S AVAGE and his Brother-Sinners
In Porridge-Island div'd for Dinners;
Or doz'd on Covent Garden Bulks,
And liken'd Letters to the Hulks; —
You know that by-gone Time, I say,
That aimless easy-moral'd Day,
When rosy Morn found M ADAM still
Wrangling at Ombre or Quadrille ,
When good Sir J OHN reel'd Home to Bed,
From Pontack's or the Shakespear's Head;
When T RIP convey'd his Master's Cloaths,
And took his Titles and his Oaths;
While B ETTY , in a cast Brocade ,
Ogled M Y L ORD at Masquerade;
When G ARRICK play'd the guilty Richard ,
Or mouth'd Macbeth with Mrs. P RITCHARD ;
When F OOTE grimac'd his snarling Wit;
When C HURCHILL bullied in the Pit;
When the C UZZONI sang —
But there!
The further Catalogue I spare,
Having no Purpose to eclipse
That tedious Tale of H OMER'S Ships; —
This is the M AN that drew it all
From Pannier Alley to the Mall ,
Then turn'd and drew it once again
From Bird-Cage Walk to Lewknor's Lane; —
Its Rakes and Fools, its Rogues and Sots;
Its brawling Quacks, its starveling Scots;
Its Ups and Downs, its Rags and Garters,
Its H ENLEYS , L OVATS , M ALCOLMS , C HARTRES ;
Its Splendour, Squalor, Shame, Disease;
Its quicquid agunt Homines; —
Nor yet omitted to pourtray
Furens quid possit Foemina; —
In short, held up to ev'ry Class
N ATURE'S unflatt'ring looking-Glass;
And, from his Canvass, spoke to All
The Message of a J UVENAL .

Take Him. His Merits most aver:
His weak Point is — his Chronicler!