Classic Poem

Some sportsmen love to stalk the stag,
To trawl for tarpon or for tunny,
To course the hare, to run a “drag,”
Or (with some ferrets in a bag)
Evict the harmless bunny;
To thread a minnow on a hook
And fish in some familiar brook.

Commercial sports I much prefer;
To stalk a public shallow-pated,
To angle for each customer
And capture him (or, rather, her)
On hooks with “bargains” baited;
The willing client to ensnare,
And lure the shy one from his lair!

Some sportsmen love to hear the sound
Of partridge calling in the clover,
The huntsman's horn, the yelp of hound
(Denoting that a fox is found),
The cry of “Woodcock over!”
The distant “honk” of homing goose,
The savage roar of mating moose!

All these are sweet, I'm bound to say,
But give me sounds more picturesque, please,
As: “Madam, kindly step this way!”
“What can we show you, Miss, to-day?”
Or, “Pay it at the desk, please!”
To tastes as mercantile as mine
No cry is half so sweet as “Sign!”