Classic Poem

As , on the fifth day of November,
I walk'd down Bartholomew-lane,
I heard a poor Stock-market member
Thus vent to the pavement his pain.
The boys had Guy Faux by the girdle,
Intending to roast him red hot;
The broker look'd blank at the hurdle,
And thus sang the Gunpowder Plot.

" Away with yon " Gunpowder Percy,"
Commit the old rogue to the flames,
Grill, barbecue, show him no mercy,
For plotting to blow up King James.
That two of a trade wrangle ever,
I often have heard — who has not?
How vain his fantastic endeavour
To cope with our Gunpowder Plot!

" By us the Welsh Railway's impeded,
Mine searchers are balk'd in their dip,
The call to " cash up" is unheeded
By holders of Mexican scrip.
Montezuma we've cut a head shorter,
The new patent paper we blot,
London brick's uncemented by mortar,
And all through our Gunpowder Plot.

" British silk we have put out of favour,
Our wives scorn to wear it in cloaks,
British salt we have spoil'd of its savour,
Our Real del Monte's a hoax:
Shareholders, grown wiser, the risk count,
Determined to know what is what,
Columbian scrip's at a discount,
When singed by our Gunpowder Plot.

" Gwennappe, with its tin and its copper,
Has now in its shaft sprung a leak,
The shareholders don't think it proper
Directors should play hide-and-seek.
Greek bonds are cast into the gutter,
Cheam soap to a discount has got:
Metropolitan Alderney butter
Runs off in our Gunpowder Plot.

" Pearl-divers lie strangled below sea,
Red rubies won't come at a wish,
Gold sticks like a leech to Potosi,
And Myers gives up " London fish."
Huge logs lie unshipp'd at Honduras,
The Company leaves them to rot;
The schemes are laid sprawling as sure as
A gun by our Gunpowder Plot.

" Then haste, boys, your fagots burn brighter;
And if, in the midst of your sport,
Some fragment of charcoal and nitre
Shall blow into air Capel-court
The shareholders, cruel as Nero,
Will laugh at our merited lot,
And cry, " Mr. Guy, you're a hero!
Long life to your Gunpowder Plot!" "