Classic Poem

Poluphloisboisterous Homer of old
Threw all his augments into the sea,
Although he had often been courteously told
That perfect imperfects begin with an e:
But the Poet replied with a dignified air,
" What the Digamma does any one care?"

Yes — it is true that that singular man
(Whether he 's Homer, or somebody else)
Often puts ?e? where he should have put a?.
Seldom will construe and mostly misspells,
And wholly ignores those grand old laws
Which govern the Attic conditional clause.

This is the author whom innocent boys
Cram for Responsions and grind at for Mods,
Possible Ithacas, mythical Troys,
Scandalous stories of heroes and gods,
Wholly deficient in morals and truth, —
That is the way that we educate Youth!

Even the great Alexandrian clique
Never attempted to write him anew:
Learning's reformer, Professor of Greek!
Erudite person! they left it to you.
Now shall we have — 'twas a manifest need —
Something that serious scholars can read.

Parents and guardians may surely expect
Books where the student orthography learns,
Language grammatical, spelling correct,
Not the vagaries of Chaucer or Burns, —
Syntax and idioms adapted to those
Stated distinctly in Sidgw-ck's Greek Prose:

None of the puzzles that puzzle us now,
Nothing to hinder disciple or don,
All of his genitives ending in ??,
All of his apa? ?e??┬Áe?a gone —
Homer conforming to classical rule —
That is the Homer for College and School!