Classic Poem

Heard ye how the bold McClellan,
He, the wether with the bell on;
He, the head of all the asses —
Heard ye how he took Manassas?

When the Anaconda plucky
Flopped its tail in old Kentucky;
When up stream the gunboats paddled,
And the thieving Floyd skedaddled,
Then the chief of all the asses
Heard the word: Go, take Manassas!

Forty brigades wait around him,
Forty blatant trumpets sound him,
As the pink of all the heroes
Since the time of fiddling Neros.
" Now's the time, " cry out the masses,
" Show your pluck and take Manassas! "

Contrabands come flocking to him:
" Lo! the enemy flies — pursue him! "
" No, " says George, " don't start a trigger
On the word of any nigger;
Let no more of the rascals pass us.
I know all about Manassas. "

When at last a prowling Yankee —
No doubt long, and lean, and lanky —
Looking out for new devices,
Took the wooden guns as prizes,
Says he: " I sweow, ere daylight passes,
I 'll take a peep at famed Manassas. "

Then up to the trenches holdly
Marched he — they received him coldly;
Nary reb was there to stop him.
Gathering courage, in he passes:
" Jerusalem! I've took Manassas. "

Bold McClellan heard the story:
" Onward, men, to fields of glory;
Let us show the rebel foemen.
When we're READY we're not slow, men;
Wait no more for springing grasses —
Onward! onward! to Manassas! "

Baggage trains were left behind him,
In his eagerness to find them;
Upward the balloons ascended,
To see which way the rebels trended;
Thirty miles away his glasses
Swept the horizon round Manassas.

Out of sight, the foe, retreating,
Answered back no hostile greeting:
None could tell, as off he paddled,
Whitherward he had skedaddled.
Then the chief of all the asses
Cried: " Hurrah! I've got Manassas. "

Future days will tell the wonder,
How the mighty Anaconda
Lay supine along the border,
With the mighty Mac to lord her:
Tell on shaft and storied brasses
How he took the famed Manassas.