Classic Poem

What Inter-Collegiate Competition is coming to. Respectfully dedicated to Trinity College, Cambridge.

It was a College Tutor who resided by the Cam:
?With a pocketful of dollars
?He went out to purchase Scholars,
And he came upon an Infant who was riding in a pram.
Said the Tutor to the Infant (and the nursemaid stopped the pram),
?‘Can you say your A B C?
?Are you good at Rule of Three?’
Said the Infant to the Tutor, ‘Most undoubtedly I am.’
‘In that case,’ said the Tutor, ‘I'm empowered for to state
?That the College will supply you
?With a sum—in short, will buy you,
If you'll patronize that College as an undergraduate;
‘And of course we shall expect you, as a simple quid pro quo
?(Latin Prose and Latin Verse
?You can study with your nurse)
In your Little-Go and Tripos some proficiency to show.’
‘Oh! glorious things are Colleges with money to disburse!
?I'm a scholar—but I think ,’
?Said the Infant with a wink,
‘That I see myself a-doing Latin Prose and Latin Verse!’
So this promising young student, having got a Scholarship,
?Went completely ‘on the scoop’
?With his marbles and his hoop,
Neglected quite his alphabet—in fact, became a Rip;
And when he came to Cambridge, in his very first exam.,
?Disappointing 'twas to find
?The condition of his mind
Was not at all suggestive of ignition of the Cam.
He was wholly inaccessible to study and to cram,
?And he showed no kind of consideration for the Don
Who had bought him with a Scholarship when riding in a pram;
He could not pass his Little-Go: he seldom wore a gown:
?Drained the far too festive pewter
?Quite regardless of his Tutor;
Till the College wouldn't stand it, and they took and sent him down.
There 's a moral to this story for the Isis and the Cam—
??(Which the motive of these rhymes
??You'll discover in The Times :)
?'Tis to teach you to be prudent
?In the purchase of a student
That I tell you of the Tutor and the Infant in a pram.