Classic Poem

A CHARACTER .

Rous'd up at Eight from Night's Repose,
By dear Rappee an ample Dose,
First he salutes, with friendly Care,
Your Humble thus, " Well, how does fare,
You rested well I hope last Night? "
Well my good Friend — thus far we're right:
Then strait he takes to Ground, provides
His Pall her Tea, my Mess besides.
But hold, before we further speak
His Actions, of his Dress we'll treat;
His Morning's Trim, (but here take Note,
You'll find he has a cleaner Coat)
Upon his Self-sufficient Pate,
He wears a Cap of Woollen State;
His Coat — O for a fertile Brain,
But all Description would be vain,
Our Eyes and Nose can better tell,
How Thread-bare old, how rank its Smell;
And yet it might a Penny make,
Would he my wholesome Counsel take;
Sweet greasy Sir, why thus profuse?
That clean Surtout may be of Use;
Nay, further, ready Cash produce.
Just as I spoke came screaming by,
" Any Kitchen Stuff " — why there, says I,
Extract the unctious Virtue forth,
She'll give a Groat, its utmost Worth.
Enough of this — our Breakfast down,
He strolls an Hour about the Town;
But at Eleven with Speed returns,
His Stomach gnaws, for Porter yearns;
Nor would he quit his luke-warm Dose,
No, rather drop his Tell-tale Nose.
Come Pally , (this his coaxing Lure)
Give me the Stuff, our Morning's Cure,
For Vapours and the gnawing Gout,
Friend Frazier's Portee will keep out:
The Stuff obtain'd — for, by the bye,
His prudent Wife, with careful Eye,
In her own keeping has the Pelf,
Or else she'd quickly want herself;
Away he hies, Black Jack in Hand,
But soon returns to Window-Stand;
" Here's to you, Pall, " then sucks away,
And leaves for Wife one Gulp a Day.
This finish'd, with approv'd Regard,
Between his fav'rite Ponds mounts Guard;
There saunters 'till 'tis Time to think
Of something both to eat and drink;
Dinner's provided in a Trice,
Potatoes are extremely nice;
Of these we made a frequent Fare,
For Butcher's Meat is very dear;
Sometimes, indeed, we drest a Chop;
But then with Care forbore the Shop,
Of surly Cleaver, who of late,
Five Pieces lost in a Debate;
The Story has appear'd in Print,
The tasty Woodfall took the Hint.
His Cooking o'er, and I protest,
No Dinner ever better drest,
The Dunghill Coat is laid aside,
And out he struts in Russet Pride;
On no Account forgets his Snuff,
Nor will he part without the Stuff;
" A single Pint will do him good,
And properly digest his Food,
Refresh his Intellects , you know —
Come, Pall, your Charity bestow. "
She grants his Suit, he shrugs away,
With Cash in Hand, he cannot stay:
An Hour past, or two or three,
We see him once at least by Tea;
With sparkling Eyes, and Mind elate,
(For very little takes his Pate)
Brim-full of Gossop-news returns,
And full of self-wrought Wonders burns;
Tells us such noble Feats achiev'd,
As would o'er-gorge the Jewish Creed;
How Redshaw, by his cutting Vein,
Was sore dissected, rent in twain,
And how he made him whole again.

By this the Sun declines apace,
And almost ends his daily Race;
Not so with him — like dropsy'd Souls,
Who still athirst o'er empty'd Bowls,
He must have more, another Pot,
And then a third, (the last forgot)
Until he's made a reeling Sot.
Impartially I must declare,
The dire Effects, when swol'n with Beer,
From Flippancy and Nonsense, Mirth,
Which Afternoon's Regale gave Birth;
He now commences Hector, Bully ,
And is a very Captain S URLY :
This lasts 'till M ORPHEUS Poppies shed,
Their Influence o'er his shatter'd Head:
Observe the Journal of a Day,
With him thus passes Life away.