Classic Poem

ACT . I. S CEN. II.

Ganyctor, Lerinus, Iringus. Cosm .

I'll give 'em but my hand to kiss, and 'twill
Bind 'em as fast, as if it were the holiest
Of the best Sibyls Leaves. Pan .
Favour your tongues;
Let's lie in Ambush here a while, and listen
What they discourse of. Rhod .
Why of Women I warrant y' Cosm .
Peace Rhodia , peace, close sweet Pandena , close! Irin .
Lerinus , this hath been the worst Spring that
I ever knew. Lorin .
Faith it has', for Flora
Still challeng'd it before, but now Bellona
Hath got the time: Roses and Violets were
The fruit o'th' Season formerly, but now
Laying, and raising Sieges: Building up
And pulling down of Castles; Manning, and
Demolishing of Forts have sign'd the Months. Gan .
Where beauteous Ladies slumber'd, & were guarded
By the enamor'd Lizards (as if Cadmus
In envy had reserv'd some Serpents teeth
And sown 'em there) hard watchings and rough Guards
Fill and make up the field. (Cosm .
Most smoothly said,
And like a Cowardly Poet.) Irin .
There's a feare
The Women too will rise at home. Ler .
Their fingers
Itch to be tamp'ring with the wheels o'th' State. Gan .
'Tis very well my Lord Olyndus then
Is left at home. Ler .
How does his Lordship now?
Still angry that his Majesty would not let
His Sickness go against the Enemy? Irin .
He finds the hardest Wars at home, he hath
Visits, and Onsets, that molest him more
Than all his griefs. He now complains of health;
The eager Ladyes do besiege him hourly,
Not out of love so much, as want of men;
Any thing now, that wears but Breeches only,
Is plotted, and projected for as much
As a new Fashion, or an Office 'bove Stairs. Ler .
They do call this their time of Persecution,
Swear they are living Martyrs. Gan .
Then the Punishment
Must make 'em so; I'm sure the cause will never. Ler .
A man is striven for as eagerly
As the last loaf in a great depth of Famine. Irin .
You won't believe what I shall tell you now;
Pandena and sweet Rhodia at this instant
Both love me, hate each other, eager Rivals;
The one enshrines her Mellons in pure Chrystall,
And as the fruit doth ripen, so her hopes
Of me doe ripen with it — — ( Pan .
Monstrous fellow!) Irin .
The other counts her Apricots, and thinks
So many kisses grow there; lays 'em naked
And open to the Sun, that it may freely
Smile on her vegetable Embraces.( Rho .
Good! do you hear this, Madam?)( Cos .
Peace and let him on.) Irin .
The one presents me, and the other presents me
Gums, Spicknard-boxes, Fruits, and early Roses,
Figs, Mushrooms, Bulbi, and what not? I am
More reverenc'd than their Houshold-God, and taste
Their store before him still.( Cosm .
Close yet for my sake.) Irin .
And proud Cosmeta — (Pan .
Nay you must hear't out too.) Irin .
She, that, if there were Sexes 'bove the Moon,
Would tempt a Male Idea, and seduce
A Separate Hee-Substance into Lewdness,
Hath smil'd, glanc'd, wink'd, and trod upon my toes,
Sent smooth Epistles to me, whom I let
Pass unregarded, as a suing Beauty,
And one that makes my triumph up — —
[ As he speaks Cosmeta and the other two Ladies approach .
Fair Ladies
You make my Triumph up in that I see you. Cosm .
What? have you been at the Wars then Captain? Irin .
Madam
I've stood o'th' shore, and wisht well to our Fleet. Cos .
If that be all, pray how comes so much Crest,
And Scarfe, and Boot to be misplac'd on you? Gan .
Is't not a time of War, dear Lady? Pan .
You follow
The times then, though you won't the Camp. Ler .
'Tis fit
We should be in the Field-fashion however. Rho .
'Cause you intend the Wars at home perhaps. Irin .
Troth the beleagering of you, Lady, will
Hardly deserve the name of a Siedge; you'll yeeld
So easily on the first approach. Cosm .
You doe
Mistake her, Sir, she means, that you intend
To take great Towns at home — Pan .
Demolish Castles,
And high-built Pyes at once — — Rho .
Gaine Sconces 'twixt
The first and second Course — Cosm .
And in the vertue
Of the large Cretan Jar kill men at Table. Irin .
No lady, we do stay at home to make 'em. Pan .
The Wars indeed'll exhaust the Kingdom much. Cos .
And fit tis that should some way be supply'd. Irin .
You won't corrupt me, Madam! pray forbear. Cos .
No, Sir, I will not do the State that harm;
For the Corruption of one Coward must
Needs be the Generation of another. Ler .
I'll warrant th' Issue will be truly valiant. Rho .
And how so Captain Stay-by-it ? Pan .
Madam, he
Can neither fight nor speak: I'll tell you how.
That you're a Coward, Sir, is granted: Thus then;
Either your Father was valiant, or was not, Irin .
A very sure division, Lady, that. Pan .
If he were valiant, and you a Coward,
'Tis your Sons course next to be valiant;
But if he were not valiant, and that
You are a Coward of a Coward, then
Your Lineall Issue must be valiant needs,
Because two Negatives make an Affirmative. Cosm .
A most invincible Argument! Irin .
This shall not
Serve I assure you, say what e're you will
You shall not reason me to your Bed-side. Rho .
No, Sir. Cos .
Not though we send you Mellons? Pan .
Ripen'd Hopes? Rho .
Apricocks, Figges? Pan .
Vegetable Embraces? Cos .
And smooth Epistles? Go you vile abusers
Of what you cannot compass; cause you nourish
Desires, you will discharge the sin on us. Irin .
Ladies you're much deceiv'd: had you the Aphorismes
Of th' Art perfect, that each word should go
With a designe, that not an Eye should be
Lift up, or cast down without mystery — — Ler .
Could you force sighs, faigne passions, manage looks,
Season your jests, speak with a Manner still — — Gan .
Should you consult a Decade of Chambermaids,
And sadly advise with your Chrystall Oracles,
In which Attire your Beauties would appear
Most strong; in what contrivance your sweet Graces
Would be most fierce, and overcome Spectators,
You should not have one look to quench the fire. Ler .
You shall be Vestals by compulsion still — — Irin .
You shall make Verses to me e're I've done;
Call me your Caelius , your Corinnus , and
Make me the Man o'th' Book in some Romance,
And after all I will not yield. Rho .
You're got
Into a safe field of Discourse, where you
Are sure, that Modestie will not suffer us
To answer you in a direct line. Cosm .
You were
Wont to go whining up and down, and make
Dismall Soliloquies in shady Woods — — Pan .
Discourse with Trees — — Rho .
And Dialogue With Eccho's — — Cos .
Send Messages by Birds, make discreet Thrushes
Your trusty Agents 'twixt your Loves and you — — Rho .
Which Loves you call'd Nymphs — — Cos .
When indeed they were
Milkmaids, or some such Drudges. This your rating
And prizing of your selves, and standing off,
Comes not from any bett'ring of your Judgements,
But from your Mouth's being out of taste. Pan .
Pray y' what
Employment are you fit for? Ler .
Ile assure you
None about you Cos .
Their whole Employment is
To goe Embassadors 'twixt retir'd Ladies — — Pan .
To ask how this great Ladies Physick wrought — — Rho .
Give an account o'th' vertue of her Drugs. Cos .
Make perfect Audit of the Tale of sighs
Some little Dog did breath in his first sleep:
Goe you Reproach and Refuse of your Countrey. Gan .
You speak most valiantly Heroick Lady. Ler .
Pray Venus you permit the Lords to rule
The Common-wealth again, when they come home. Pan .
Know Sir, they shall not — — Cos .
And you shall consent,
Ayd, and assist us in 't in spight of you,
Willing or unwilling, all's one. Irin .
Wee'll leave you. Gan .
Your Company grows dangerous. Ler .
'Tis half Treason
To hear you talk. Pan .
Before you 'tis very safe.
You'll never dare t' engage your selves so much
I'th' Army, as to inform the King of't. Rho .
Come,
Let us away too. Cos .
We will vex 'em through
All sorts of Torment, meet 'em at each Corner,
Write Satyrs, and make Libels of 'em, put 'em
In Shows, & Mock-Shows, Masques, & Plaies, present 'em
In all Dramatique Poetry: they shall
Be sung i'th Markets, wee'll not let 'em rest
'Till themselves sue to be o'th' Female Covenant .