Classic Poem

The busybody (banned as sexist, demeaning to older women) who lives next door called my daughter a tomboy (banned as sexist) when she climbed the jungle (banned; replaced with " rain forest " ) gym. Then she had the nerve to call her an egghead and a bookworm (both banned as offensive; replace with " intellectual " ) because she read fairy (banned because suggests homosexuality; replace with " elf " ) tales.
I'm tired of the Language Police turning a deaf ear (banned as handicapism) to my complaints. I'm no Pollyanna (banned as sexist) and will not accept any lame (banned as offensive; replace with " walks with a cane " ) excuses at this time.
If Alanis Morissette can play God (banned) in Dogma (banned as ethnocentric; replace with " Doctrine " or " Belief " ), why can't my daughter play stickball (banned as regional or ethnic bias) on boy's night our (banned as sexist)? Why can't she build a snowman (banned, replace with " snow person " ) without that fanatic (banned as ethnocentric; replace with " believer, " " follower, " or " adherent " ) next door telling her she's going to go to hell (banned; replaced with " heck " or " darn " )?
Do you really think this is what the Founding Fathers (banned as sexist; replace with " the Founders " or " the Framers " ) had in mind? That we can't even enjoy our Devil (banned)-ed ham sandwiches in peace? I say put a stop to this cult (banned as ethnocentric) of PC old wives' tales (banned as sexist; replace with " folk wisdom " ) and extremist (banned as ethnocentric; replace with " believer, " " follower, " or " adherent " ) conservative duffers (banned as demeaning to older men).
As an heiress (banned as sexist; replace with " heir " ) to the first amendment, I feel that only a heretic (use with caution when comparing religions) would try to stop American vernacular from flourishing in all its inspirational (banned as patronizing when referring to a person with disabilities) splendor.