Classic Poem

Jedge is good at argyin' —
No mistake in that!
Most folks 'at tackles him
He'll skin 'em like a cat!
You see, the Jedge is read up,
And b'en in politics,
Hand-in-glove, you might say,
Sence back in '56.

Elected to the Shurrif, first,
Then elected Clerk;
Went into lawin' then,
And buckled down to work;
Practised three or four terms,
Then he run for jedge —
Speechified a little 'round,
And went in like a wedge!

Run fer Legislatur' twic't —
Made her, ever' pop!
Keeps on the way he's doin',
Don't know where he'll stop!
Some thinks he's got his eye
On the gov'nership; —
Well, ef he tuk the track,
Guess he'd make the trip.

But I started out to tell ye —
(Now I allus liked the man —
Not fer his politics,
But social' , understan'! —
Fer, 's regards to my views,
Political and sich. —
When we come together there
We're purty ap' to hitch) —

Ketched him in at Knox's shop
On'y t'other day —
Gittin' shaved, the Jedge was,
Er somepin' thataway. —
Well, I tetched him up some
On the silver bill: —
Jedge says, " I won't discuss it; "
I says, " You will! "

I-says-ee, " I reckon
You'll concede with me,
Coin's the on'y ginuine
Money, " I-says-ee;
Says I, " What's a dollar-bill? "
Says I, " What's a ten —
Er forty-'leven hunderd of 'em?
Give us specie , then! "

I seed I was a-gittin'
The Jedge kind o' red
Around the gills. He hawked some
And cle'red his throat and said —
" Facts is too complicated
'Bout the bill in view, "
Squirmed and told the barber then
He wisht he'd hurry through.

'Ll, then, I knowed I had him, —
And the crowd around the fire
Was all a-winkin' at me,
As the barber raised him higher —
Says I, " Jedge, what's a dollar? —
Er a half-un, " I-says-ee —
" What's a quarter? — What's a dime? "
" What's cents? " says he.

W'y, I had him fairly b'ilin'!
" You needn't comb my hair, "
He says to the barber —
" I want fresh air; "
And you'd 'a' died a-laughin'
To 'a' seed him grab his hat,
As I-says-ee, says I, " Judge,
Where you goin' at! "

Edge is good at argyin',
By-and-large; and yit
Beat him at his own game
And he's going' to git!
And yit the Jedge is read up,
And b'en in politics,
Hand-in-glove, you might say,
Sence back in '56.