Classic Poem

Count Zu Humbug Stir-em-up speaks: —

My countrymen, be calm, I pray,
And hear what I have got to say
About Lieutenant Schocking's case
And Sergeant Woppenheim's disgrace.
Weigh well the views that I express,
And you will readily confess
That they are gallant fellows and
A credit to the Fatherland.

Lieutenant Schocking, I maintain,
Should certainly be tried again;
The sentence which the Court decreed
Is far too long. It is indeed.
Shall Prussian officers be sent
To actual imprisonment
For having knocked about the head
Some private (subsequently dead)?
Granted that there are safer regions
On which to whack our German legions,
Still 'twas but an excess of zeal
Directed to the common weal ,
And, far from being reprehended,
Ought to be tacitly commended.

To Sergeant Woppenheim I doubt
If justice has been meted out.
Some sentimental people here
Pretend that he was too severe
When visiting with castigations
The soldier's breach — of regulations.
If any private made a slip
He caught it with a riding-whip,
And generally caught it hot!
To which my answer is, " Why not? "
'Tis simply folly to suppose
A " certain quantity of blows "
Is not a necessary thing
For teaching people soldiering.
And people who pretend to say
Drill can be taught some other way
Completely fail to understand
The army of the Fatherland.

So let's agree Lieutenant S.,
(And Sergeant Woppenheim no less)
Have both been wrongfully accused,
And very very badly used.
A stick is always useful in
The maintenance of discipline,
And sergeants handy with their fists
Are much the best with Socialists!
The sergeants tell me this is so,
And surely sergeants ought to know?