Classic Poem

FOUNDED ON A LATE DISTRESSING INCIDENT

" Tho ' all the pet mischiefs we count upon fail,
" Tho' Cholera, hurricanes, Wellington leave us,
" We 've still in reserve, mighty Comet, thy tail; —
" LasThope of the Tories, wilt thou too deceive us?

" No — 't is coming, 't is coming, the avenger is nigh;
" Heed, heed not, ye placemen, how Herapath flatters;
" One whisk from that tail as it passes us by
" Will settle at once all political matters; —

" The East-India Question, the Bank, the Five Powers,
" (Now turned into two) with their rigmarole Protocols; —
" Ha! ha! ye gods, how this new friend of ours
" Will knock, right and left, all diplomacy's what-d' ye-calls!

" Yes, rather than Whigs at our downfall should mock,
" Meet planets and suns in one general hustle!
" While happy in vengeance we welcome the shock
" That shall jerk from their places, Grey, Althorp and Russell. "

Thus spoke a mad Lord, as, with telescope raised,
His wild Tory eye on the heavens he set;
And tho' nothing destructive appeared as he gazed,
Much hoped that there would be fore Parliament met.

And still, as odd shapes seemed to flit thro' his glass,
" Ha! there it is now, " the poor maniac cries;
While his fancy with forms but too monstrous, alas!
From his own Tory zodiac peoples the skies: —

" Now I spy a big body, good heavens, how big!
" Whether Bucky or Taurus I cannot well say: —
" And yonder there 's Eldon's old Chancery wig,
" In its dusty aphelion fast fading away.

" I see, 'mong those fatuous meteors behind,
" Londonderry, in vacuo , flaring about; —
" While that dim double star, of the nebulous kind,
" Is the Gemini, Roden and Lorton, no doubt.

" Ah, Ellenborough! 'faith, I first thought 't was the Comet;
" So like that in Milton, it made me quite pale;
" The head with the same " horrid hair" coming from it,
" And plenty of vapor, but — where is the tail? "

Just then, up aloft jumpt the gazer elated —
For lo! his bright glass a phenomenon showed,
Which he took to be Cumberland, upwards translated,
Instead of his natural course, t' other road!

But too awful that sight for a spirit so shaken, —
Down dropt the poor Tory in fits and grimaces,
Then off to the Bedlam in Charles Street was taken,
And is now one of Halford's most favorite cases.