Classic Poem

The Man with the Taw Wives

THE MAN WITH THE TWA WIVES .

I N ancient tales, there is a story,
Of ane had twa Wives, whig and tory.
The Carlie's head was now attir'd
With hair, in equal mixture lyart.
His Wives (faith ane might well suffic'd)
Alternately was ay ill pleas'd;
They being reverse to ane another
In age and faith, made a curs'd pother
Whilk of the twa shou'd bear the bell,
And make their man maist like themsell.
Auld Meg the tory took great care
To weed out ilka sable hair,
Plucking out all that look'd like youth,
Frae crown of head to weeks of mouth;
Saying, that baith in head and face,
Antiquity was mark of grace.
But Bess the whig, a raving rump,
Took figmaliries, and wald jump,
With sword and pistol by her side,
And cock a-stride a rowing ride
On the hag-ridden sumph, and grapple
Him hard and fast about the thrapple;
And with her furious fingers whirle
Frae youthfu' black ilk silver curle.
Thus was he serv'd between the twa,
Till no ae hair he had ava.

MORAL .

T HE moral of this fable 's easy,
But I sall speak it out to please ye.
'Tis an auld saying and a trow,
" Between twa stools the arse fa's throw. "
Thus Britain's morals are much plucked,
While by two opposites instructed;
Who still contending, have the trick
The strongest truths to contradict;
Tho' orthodox, they 'll error make it,
If party opposite has spake it.
Thus are we keytch'd between the twa,
Like to turn deists ane and a'.English