So I’m running through the airport like a mad fuck
Trying to keep my cool, but
I can’t believe I’ve booked this plane
For this early in the morning - never again.
And like, I know I’ve got my printed sheet,
The “print at home” boarding card should work a treat
But everything is fucking automated
So while I wait
They won’t take it
It’s a piece of paper
With a barcode there
Fuck you RyanAir.
And security is eight miles long
Like the song.
NO TIME FOR FUN.
“Hello sir, I’m late, where’s my gate?
Can I skip this little bit? ‘Cos my train, you see,
Was being shit”
“You need speedy boarding”
“Right well I’m aware sir that sometimes the order of things
Can be changed, you know,
Skip the lanes,
Mitigating circumstances and shit
Catch my drift?”
“You buy those tickets over there”
“Now, I get that sir, but the queue’s a nightmare.
I’ll only make it now by a hair as it is,
I know I’m not business class or anything like that
But I’m stressed, that’s the score”
“Well it’s back through that door”
FINE. OKAY. I’ll DO WHAT YOU SAY.
HAVE IT YOUR WAY.
I’m going to miss this fucking flight.
Why do I bother?
I’m a transient disaster.
Oh hello self-service, nice to meet you.
Now why the fuck are there only TWO
MACHINES to buy speedy boarding?
Is that not the point?
So I rush, hurry up old man, you’re not speedy,
Off you go, off you go, yes that’s all your receipts,
Card machine beeps
Through speedy gates
Plastic bag for my DANGEROUS liquids
And I’m ready to win this
NO. FUCK OFF ABOUT MY SHOES
LEAVE ME ALONE, I’M SPEEDY
SPEEDY FUCKING GONZALEZ
I don’t have time for this.
Chuck them in with some guy’s laptop
Whatever, don’t try and stop me
Nipple bar don’t fail me now
I’m through! I’m free!
Oh come ON, Gate 50?
And where does that live?
RyanAir you really do pull the short straw
When it comes to location
And my motivation
Not to hate you.
Everything you put me through
And these poor kids I’m bashing with my bag.
Think of the children
Next time I ask
When you pick the gate furthest away for the task
So you can pay the least PLANE RENT you dick,
Slick as fuck, I’m a ninja,
Can’t stop me now as I dodge within ya.
This is typical me as I make the flight
Some ridiculous excuse
Of who’s to blame
But it’s me, again.
Next time, you fucking loon
Book your flight for the afternoon.
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