As her eyes opened, she recognized nothing that surrounded her. The whole ride and experience feeling like a blur. Beeping of machines, shreiking in her ears, and the two random strangers induced far more fears. As it registered that these were both emt's, the realization hit and she was brought to her knees. An ambulance is what she was boxed into but, how did she get there, and the cause was what? No memory at all of the prior occurence, that's what lead to her overwhelming endurance. The questions flew like carnival balls, "Why am I here with no memory at all?" "What happened," she asked, as she continued to bawl. Her mind raced with wonders, as the vehicle stopped, they answered her questions and her jaw nearly dropped. She refused any treatment, and would not go inside, she said "I'm feeling better, but thanks for the ride!" She then ran from the place like a bat out of hell, and bolted toward home as she reached for her cell. "Hey, mom, its me, come pick me up? Uh huh, thats right, no I ran from that dump" and 5 minutes later she was inside the car, though after the escape she felt she'd ran far. Adrenaline still pumping, and still wheezing from running, she took in all the information they gave her, though stunning. Agreed to be seen if it happened again, thinking she'd be lucky and this was the end. The next time, she woke up with blood on her clothes, and urine in her pants, the embarrassment rose. At this point her family wouldnt allow her a choice, they nagged and insisted until she was tired of their voice. That very same night, she went to the ER, still to this day thats an emotional scar. Felt like she was admitting defeat, as they hooked her up to the EEG. The tests, and the hours, it felt like forever, and she feared for her health, so that wasnt much better. She has babies at home, so how can she fend? A neurological disorder doesnt come to an end. There isn't a cure for this phenomenon, what a sadistic journey life has put her on. Why now, what caused it, she asked to herself, it seemed like she was in such stable health. Apparently that wasnt truly the case, because now when she sleeps she's always scared to awake. Temporal lobe seizures tend to occur when you wake, its like a glimmer of calm before an earthquake. You open your eyes thinking you got through the night, then go back to sleep, and then starts the fight. Like a lightning storm inside your brain, the damages can be insane. You arent aware during the event, and for a good time after your mind is just spent. Conscious but not cognitive, it's the part that I hate, its terrifying, you're capable but your minds not awake. You have all your mobile skills intact, but your awareness is what takes the hardest impact. Volatile, controlled by fear and confusion, but what you think you're doing is just an illusion. And later you'll remember nothing from this, which makes you, to your family and friends, feel a risk. Its taken alot to cope with this life change, and everything now feels a little bit strange. She has her support, and she'd never make it without them, but sometimes from her side it still feels so grim. It's hard when you dont have full control, like venturing into an unknown black hole.



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