1. Fantasize about marrying your ex
2. Fill a pot with water
3. Attempt to mince garlic
4. Curse Gigi Hadid
5. Call your dad to ask how much pasta is appropriate to boil for one person
6. Frantically turn off the stove when the water boils over
7. Chop a yellow onion
8. Cry
9. Cry more than you realistically should for a yellow onion
10. Lay down on the floor
11. Become cold on the linoleum and regret every action that got you here
12. Get up
13. Add onions to hot oil in a skillet
14. What if Zeus really did exist and really did split humans into halves
15. Saute onions and garlic
16. Why is everyone else already whole
17. Rummage around your fridge for almost-expired heavy cream
18. Curse yourself for forgetting food network’s rules for mise en place
19. Add tomato paste, heavy cream, and butter to sauteed onions and garlic
20. DO NOT CHECK THE CALORIE COUNT
21. Burn yourself collecting a cup of pasta water
22. Almost add too much salt and pepper
23. Stir
24. Drain pasta
25. Combine sauce and pasta
26. Reward yourself with vodka you did not buy for the pasta
27. Serve
28. Fantasize about two bowls, two chairs, and two forks
29. Eat and
30. Enjoy.
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