The Modern Ixion

" Ixion , menac'd with his endless wheel,
To Jove address'd this eloquent appeal
(So Yorick , punish'd in a Bishop's Court ,
With his Judicial Canonist would sport).
" Be just in mercy! I confess 'tis treason —
But I was born to act, as well as reason;
You gave me passions, but reserv'd your own
For playful use — descending from your throne;
With Juno seldom play'd the husband's part,
But as a Husband won Alcmena's heart:
A thing, dread Sir, which by the Canon Law
Would on the Actor penal mischiefs draw.
For nights like those descending many a league,
With your own rank you never could intrigue;
And, though " a cuckold-maker " was your trade,
No taylor of his rib was more afraid.
You talk of clouds exulting in the cheat,
And thus invert your own terrestrial feat.
Yourself a Bull and Swan you have appear'd,
In gold and flame to the coquette endear'd,
Though, by the way, in many an awkward shape,
You rather smuggled , than enjoy'd the rape .
But I, in pity for the peacock's tail,
Thought Love could over sinecures prevail.
In hopes of Juno , and without her clothes,
At once my love and my ambition rose;
You say my bedfellow was air and mist;
Was yours much better in the girls you kiss'd?
In some at least — for Tantalus's daughter,
With beak and wing, you rifled in the water.
You talk of rolling me upon a wheel,
A doom for thee my punisher to feel. "
Jove answer'd thus — " Whatever you alledge,
You have look'd over a (celestial) hedge;
Too late hereafter you shall plead remorse,
Though Jupiter can steal his neighbour's horse. "
The Wit's perfidious advocates forsook him,
The Court pass'd judgment, and the Furies took him.
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