Classic Poem

I

One for her club and her own latch-key fights,
Another wastes in Study her good Nights.
— — Ah, take the Clothes and let the Culture go,
Nor heed the grumble of the Women's Rights!

Look at the Shop-girl all about us — " Lo,
The Wages of a month, " she says, " I blow
— — Into a Hat, and when my hair is waved,
Doubtless my Friend will take me to the Show. "

And she who saved her coin for Flannels red,
And she who caught Pneumonia instead,
— — Will both be Underground in Fifty Years,
And Prudence pays no Premium to the dead.

Th' exclusive Style you set your heart upon
Gets to the Bargain counters — and anon,
— — Like monograms on a Saleslady's tie,
Cheers but a moment — soon for you 'tis gone.

Think, in the sad Four Hundred's gilded halls,
Whose endless Leisure ev'n themselves appalls,
— — How Ping-pong raged so high — then faded out
To those far Suburbs that still chase its Balls.

They say Sixth Avenue and the Bowery keep
The dernier cri that once was far from cheap;
— — Green veils, one season chic — Department stores
Mark down in vain — no profit shall they reap.

II

I sometimes think that never lasts so long
The Style as when it starts a bit too strong;
— — That all the Pompadours the parterre boasts
Some Chorus-girl began, with Dance and Song.

And this Revival of the Chignon low
That fills the most of us with helpless Woe,
— — Ah, criticise it Softly! for who knows
What long-necked Peeress had to wear it so!

Ah, my beloved, try each Style you meet;
To-day brooks no loose ends, you must be neat.
— — Tomorrow! why tomorrow you may be
Wearing it down your back like Marguerite!

For some we once admired, the Very Best
That ever a French hand-boned Corset prest,
— — Wore what they used to call Prunella Boots,
And put on Nightcaps ere they went to rest.

And we that now make fun of Waterfalls
They wore, and whom their Crinoline appalls,
— — Ourselves shall from old dusty Fashion plates
Assist our Children in their Costume balls.

Ah, make the most of what we yet may wear,
Before we grow so old that we don't care!
— — Before we have our Hats made all alike,
Sans Plumes, sans Wings, sans Chiffon, and — sans Hair!

III

Alike to her who Dines both Loud and Long,
Or her who Banting shuns the Dinner-gong,
— — Some Doctor from his Office chair will shout,
" It makes no Difference — both of you are Wrong! "

Why, all the Health-Reformers who discussed
High Heels and Corsets learnedly are thrust
— — Square-toed and Waistless forth; their Duds are scorned,
And Venus might as well have been a Bust.

Myself when slim did eagerly frequent
Delsarte and Ling, and heard great Argument
— — Of muscles trained to Hold me up, but still
Spent on my Modiste what I'd always spent!

With walking Clubs I did the best I could;
With my own Feet I tramped my Ten Miles, good;
— — And this was All that I got out of it —
I ate much more for Dinner than I should.
...

And fear not lest your Rheumatism seize
The Joy of Life from other people's Sprees;
— — The Art will not have Perished — au contraire ,
Posterity will practise it with Ease!

When you and I have ceased Champagne to Sup,
Be sure there will be More to Keep it Up;
— — And while we pat Old Tabby by the fire,
Full many a Girl will lead her Brindled Pup.