Classic Poem

A Parody

Out where the talk is a little stronger,
Out where the trails are a blame sight longer,
That's where the West begins.
Out where the skirts are a little higher,
Where men are wilder and women shier,
Where we'll all blow away if it gets much drier —
That's where the West begins.

Out where the bushes are full of stickers
And the whole darn country is full of slickers,
That's where the West begins.
Where the lizards pant in the summer heat,
Where the white sands blister the kiote's feet
And we've nothing but jerky and beans to eat —
That's where the West begins.

Where the owls at night lay hard-boiled eggs
And the jackrabbits carry canteens and kegs,
That's where the West begins.
Where leppies are bawling the whole night through
A song more sad than the dove's sad coo;
And we never tell tourists one thing that's true,
That's where the West begins.

Out where the rivers run upside down
And two houses together are called a town,
That's where the West begins.
Where mules are too weary to bray or kick;
Where hens are scarce and buzzards thick;
And the devil won't stay 'cause it makes him sick —
That's where the West begins.

Where the catclaw trees and the sagebrush grow
And their leaves get scorched when the hot winds blow,
That's where the West begins.
Where the centipede and the rattler dwell
And where the scorpion does right well;
And the only crop we can raise is — —
That's where the West begins.