Classic Poem

Upon the Confinement of the Bishops and Their Bailing Out

Let Cynics bark, and the stern Stagirite,
At Epicurus' precepts vent their spite;
Let churchmen preach their threadbare paradox,
Passive Obedience, to their bleeding flocks.

Let Stoics boast of a contented mind,
The joy and pleasure of a life confined,
That in imprisonment the soul is free —
Grant me, ye gods, but ease and liberty!

That there is pleasure in a dirty road,
A tired horse that sinks below his load,
No money, and an old, inveterate pox —
This I'll believe without a paradox.

But to affirm 'twas the dispensing power
That did decree the prelates to the Tow'er,
And such confinement's for the propagation
O'th'faith and doctrine of the Reformation;

That to remove the candlesticks from sight
Is to enlarge the Gospel and the light;
And the seven angels under sequestration,
To guard the church from pagan innovation;

To say that this is keeping of our word,
The only means we have to be secured;
Supporting of the English church and cause
In all its privileges, rights, and laws:

Pardon my faith, for sooner I'll believe
The subtle serpent was deceived by Eve;
Rome shall with heretics her promise keep,
And wolves and bears protect the straggling sheep!

That Powis shall be mild and moderate,
Not out of mere regard to his estate;
And for a hopeful heir invoke the saints
Our of his tender love to Protestants.

That this young heir, great Orange to prevent,
Being assigned to the next parliament,
Shall be brought up i'th'Protestant profession
To ratify a Catholic succession.

That Father Petre's counsel shall prevail
To quit their guiltless lordships without bail;
And Giffard beg, i'th'name of the young prince,
Dispensing pow'r may with their crimes dispense.

That Condom with the Jesuits shall side
To beg their lordships never may be tried,
Chiefly old Sancroft, the dear hopes to shun
Of being England's metropolitan.

That Durham shall propitiate for His Grace,
And Chester shall with Chichester change place;
And Hereford, when made a cardinal,
Shall make a learned apology for all.

That for old Ely, Bristol, Bath and Wells,
The Jesuits shall pawn their beads and bells;
For Lloyd and Peterborough to be bail
Good Rochester will lie himself in jail.

That Mulgrave's pride and lust, in Dryden's rhymes,
Shall make atonement for their lordship's crimes;
And wife's sobriety shall recompense
For their apostate disobedience.

Or that the Groom o'th'Stole, since he declared,
Should from his former luxury be debarred;
Or the grave president should reinstall
The English church upon the bishop's fall.

That the lord chancellor should quit the purse
For their respective fines to reimburse;
Or that the judges should not all conspire
To find 'em guilty of a praemunire.

That Pemberton's sound counsel should prevail,
And Allibone should sue to be their bail;
Or Halifax, that lies upon the lurch,
Who left the charters, shall restore the church.

That Melfort's Cross, erected at the Bath,
With Perth, an emblem of their new-got faith;
The cause o'th'queen's conception do remain,
And will produce the same effects again.
That city treats with masquerades are graced,
To keep their wives upright, their daughters chaste;
And court intrigues with balls are carried on
For virtue only to preserve the throne.

That she who lately took into her choice
The witty author of the brace of mice
Shall battle the old panther in her race,
And crown her husband with the laureate's bays.

All this I freely can believe and more,
But that the lords are bailed out of the Tow'r
With greater loads to be sent there again,
For breach of laws they endeavored to maintain.

That they have guilt of disobedience,
In this you must excuse my diffidence;
Who placed upon the monarch's head the crown:
Props of the church, and pillars of the throne?