Classic Poem

We'd ever so many kinds of cake
And at least three sorts of jam.
Doughnuts and cucumber sandwiches,
Some made with chicken and ham,
Scones and parkin and honey had we
The day that the pirates came to tea.

The oldest, he had twinkly eyes,
A deep sword-slash on his cheek,
A stubbly beard that was nearly red,
He hadn't washed for a week.
He showed me his cutlass sharp and bright,
He slept with it 'tween his teeth at night.

The second, he was thin and fair,
He blushed when they yelled at him;
Tho' young he had killed a dozen Turks,
They called him " Terrible Tim. "
He wore a handkerchief round his head,
Purple and yellow with spots of red.

The third of the crew was extra tall,
He knew many foreign parts,
He knew some wonderful swearing words,
He understood all the charts,
But he only whispered one — when he found
His toast with the buttery side on the ground.

The fourth was merely a boy from a school,
And altho' he wore a belt,
A pistol in it and high sea-boots,
And a frightful hat of felt,
He is just pretending that he is one
With his " Yo, ho, ho, " and " Son of a gun! "

If he is a pirate, I'm one too;
Says he, " Then be one quick;
Remember whatever the weather's like
A pirate's never sea-sick. "
When the pirates came I wished that we
Had not asked that hateful boy to tea.