Siege, The: Or, Love's Convert, A Tragi-Comedy - Act 4. Scene 1

ACT . IV. S CEN . I.

Phi . Though I am sorry for that great misfortune
Leucasia hath receiv'd, yet in respect
I come t' enjoy your Countenance by it.
I cannot wish't undone.
Pyl . It was a Judgment
From Heav'n upon her, cause she profer'd to
Ascend that Bed was only due to me.
Cal . I do confess your Vertues do deserve
Rule, and Dominion; but they'l shew as fair
And gracefull in Despising it, as e'r
They could in Managing.
Phi . Don't hear him, Lady.
He would inveagle you: take it from me,
He is the notedst Flatterer in the Kingdom.
Pyl . Can I be flatter'd then? I'd thought I had
Made all Praise Modest.
Cal . Whatsoe'r he saies,
Do not regard it Madam: I do know
He laies a wile to catch you, every word
Hath some device, some Engine in't.
Pyl . Think you
My Wisdom can be caught?
Cal . No; but hee'l try
To overreach you, though I 'm sure he cannot.
He is the notedst Leacher in all Asia .
Phi . I wonder you can speak with him: he hath
Something at this time very deep in's bones.
Cal . You are in danger, Madam, from his Breath;
I look each word of his should be your Ruine,
He hath no part about him that is sound;
A very walking Hospitall.
Pyl . I thank you.
Phi . What e'r he saies beleeve him not; he cannot
Settle his heart on any single Face.
He is the Common Stallion of the Country,
Is sent for far and neer to cure Green-sicknesses;
H' hath times appointed for't in Market Towns,
And such a day 'tis said, The Captain heals .
Cal . I know he Complements as soothingly
As if he spoke Perfumes; ne'r credit him.
I've heard him swear he only loves your Wealth.
Pyl . Good!
Phi . He hath told me he could ne'r affect you;
Y'are of too deep a Wrinkle, as he saies,
To be call'd old; y' are broken, and not Aged.
Pyl . Your Servant Sir.
Cal . I've heard him Vow he would
Ne'r Marry you, but that there's certain hope
You will be Carkas ere the Morning.
Pyl . Well!
Phi . He is in doubt whether you are not old
Deucalion 's Widdow, and is sure you have
Only two Rags of Flesh instead of Breasts.
Cal . He vows you had
No Parents, as he thinks, but are the first
Of all your Genealogy; one that
Knows not what that word Ancestor doth mean.
Phi . He saies y were moulded out of the first Earth
For an Essay, not meant for good and all:
But slipt out unawares from your Contriver;
And that e'r since you wear that durty Face,
As a true Badge of your early Creation.
Pyl . I'm bound t'y' truly.
Cal . Then he saies you are
So noisome, and so nasty, that he dares not
Come neer you in a Morning, till the Sun
Hath been upon you for a while.
Phi . He means,
If that he hath the luck to marry you,
To shew you up and down for some strange Monster.
Cal . He is resolv'd t' allow you for his ease
To save himself a Labour.
Phi . He gives out
Hee'l take a Bedstaff, or an holy Wand
And baste you lustily two or three hours
Before you go to Bed, to make you limber.
You are too stark (he saies) to make a Spouse.
Cal . 'Twould be a Curse, he saies, unto our kingdom
Worse than the Tyrant is, if that he took
You to his Bed — —
Phi . Then when you dye he swears
Hee'l take your skin and make a Coat of Armour.
Cal . — — There were no other hope, but that we should
Have a most Rampant Petticoat born up
In Wars for th' Colours, and the low'st Tongu'd Woman
Whisper before the Army for a Trumper.
Pyl . I thank you heartily for your discovery. — — To Cal .
I'm bound to you for your Relation. — — To Phi .
I'l think upon your Sute assure your self. — — To Cal .
I will consider your request hereafter — — To Phil .
Pray let me see you oftner. — — To them both
(Here's a brace
Of most notorious Villains; let me dye
A private Woman, if I fit you not.)
Cal . I know you've got the Widdows promise Captain.
Phi . No doubt she gave it you, you did so whisper.
Cal . Good faith I spoke for thee most heartily.
I told her all thy Parts.
Phi . Troth now and then
I intermingled thy good Qualities too.
All that I did was honest; as I live
I ask'd her not the Question all the while.
Cal . I'l lay thee a brace of hundreds then shee's mine.
Phi . Win her and wear her then, catch he that can.
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