Classic Poem

Whereas the rebels hereabout
Are stubborn still, and still hold out;
Refusing yet to drink their tea,
In spite of Parliament and me;
And to maintain their bubble, Right,
Prognosticate a real fight;
Preparing flints, and guns, and ball.
My army and the fleet to maul;
Mounting their guilt to such a pitch,
As to let fly at soldiers' breech;
Pretending they design'd a trick,
Tho' ordered not to hurt a chick;
But peaceably, without alarm,
The men of Concord to disarm;
Or, if resisting, to annoy,
And every magazine destroy: —
All which, tho' long obliged to bear,
Thro' want of men, and not of fear;
I'm able now by augmentation,
To give a proper castigation;
For since th' addition to the troops,
Now reinforc'd as thick as hops;
I can, like Jeremey at the Boyne,
Look safely on — fight you, Burgoyne;
And now, like grass, the rebel Yankees,
I fancy not these doodle dances: —
Yet, e'er I draw the vengeful sword,
I have thought fit to send abroad,
This present gracious proclamation,
Of purpose mild the demonstration,
That whosoe'er keeps gun or pistol,
I'll spoil the motion of his systole;
Or, whip his — — , or cut his weason,
As haps the measure of his treason: —
But every one that will lay down
His hanger bright, and musket brown,
Shall not be beat, nor bruis'd, nor bang'd,
Much less for past offences hang'd;
But on surrendering his toledo,
Go to and fro unhurt as we do: —
But then I must, out of this plan, lock
Both Samuel Adams and John Hancock;
For those vile traitors (like debentures)
Must be tucked up at all adventures;
As any proffer of a pardon,
Would only tend those rogues to harden: —
But every other mother's son,
The instant he destroys his gun
(For thus doth run the King's command),
May, if he will, come kiss my hand. —
And to prevent such wicked game, as
Pleading the plea of ignoramus,
Be this my proclamation spread
To every reader that can read: —
And as nor law nor right was known
Since my arrival in this town,
To remedy this fatal flaw,
I hereby publish martial law.
Meanwhile, let all, and every one
Who loves his life, forsake his gun;
And all the council, by mandamus,
Who have been reckoned so infamous,
Return unto their habitation,
Without or let or molestation. —
Thus graciously the war I wage,
As witnesseth my hand, — Tom G AGE .
By command of M OTHER C ARY .