Classic Poem

The Chief, to whose extended sway
Two provinces obedience pay,
As soon as he receiv'd the News
Of Brittain's Princess takeing Spouse,
A Messenger, with Orders, sent
Unto his other Government,
To Keepe a day with pomp & State
To drink and eke illuminate;
As soon as the August Command
Which he had sent, should come to hand,
Council was summon'd in a trice
To judge of an affaire so nice,
No disobedient factious Blades
But Grave substantial, solid Heads,
Submissive, resolute and stable
Wise, just, discerning, honourable
Who always will and always did
Dare boldly do—as they ware bid,
Here there Arose a small debate
About the Charges and all that,
But they Resolved to wave dispute
Belcher Commands & they must do't
All things in readiness were Got
A Drum a Pistol and what not,
For though a Great Gun Goes off Louder
A Pistol takes but little powder,
Nay if they could have made it do
They wou'd have had a Trumpet too,
But in it's stead, were forc'd to Chuse
The horn which Posts in rideing use,
To tell the people, by their Blowing
When they are comeing & when Goeing,
And thus Equip'd, they went away
To Tavern, to conclude the day,
But haveing on their hatts first ty'd
Ribbons of Various Colours dy'd,
Green, Yellow, Purple, red & Blue
All of an Exact Orange Hue,
Hatts none made fine, and Hung; instead
Of wooden Pine, on wooden head,
Three Candles and a Lamp of Tin
Plac'd in the Chamber, they ware in,
Adorn'd the windows, broke by stone
Which Boys unluckily had thrown—
Pipes & Tobacco they ware strow'd
And limejuice punch in Plenty flow'd,
In the first place they drank the King
Then beat the Drum; like any thing,
Next came the Quene, the Prince, His Grace
The duke, and all the Royall Race,
The Prince of Orange, and then—Pounce,
The Pistole went off all at once,
Next in a Brimer, one Cries here
We'll drink our Noble Governour,
The Health Quick round the board was bourn
And streight the post loud blue his horn,
An Instrument, to most mens thinking
Most fit to show, whose Health was drinking,
Thus they Carous'd it, without Stopping
With beating Drum & Pistol popping,
At length they laid aside their pipes
Complaining sorely of the Gripes,
Both one and all which made 'em think
Their paine was owing to their drink.
Punch, as Philosophy maintains,
Has a Sure effect on the Brains;
And, as Experience can tell ye
Some Peoples Brains are in the Belly,
Hence when drink Gripes, 'tis a sad Omen
The Brains are lodg'd in the abdomen,
And this most certainly may pass
For Good Proof in the present Case,
Then haveing pass'd thro' Bloodless Fray
About what each man Ought to pay,
They settle'd with the help of Host
Who should pay least, & who pay most,
Concludeing thus the joyfull Night
Some went to sleep, others to fight.