Classic Poem

After learn'd and warm Debate,
Touching Folks in t'other State;
Whether any come again;
Or some Daemon in their Skin;
Whether any Truth may seem in
Tales of screeching Owls and Women;
Whether Ghosts, from Graves that rise,
Bears, with glaring, saucer Eyes,
And an hundred such like Fancies,
Were, or were not mere Romances. — —
Parson Roger having prov'd
That no Spirit ever mov'd
From the Place to which it went,
When, by Death, from Body sent;
Home from Tavern reel'd Sir Harry ,
With as much as he could carry,
Swearing he would not be frighted,
Tho' so dismally benighted; —
Let old N ick himself appear,
Bold Sir Harry will not fear — —
No, — — he'll think his Coward Senses
Only cheat him with Pretences.

Out of Town some half a Mile,
Cross a Field, and o'er a Stile,
Stood his House, upon a Green — —
Dixon 's Garden lay between. — —

Th' Hour of Night was almost One,
Of pale Phaebe there was none,
Stars a few were sprinkled round,
Just enow to show the Ground. —

Void of Fear, a-cross the Plain,
As an Eastern Monarch vain,
Valiant as Sir Hudibrass ,
Or the Great La Mancha was,
Marches on our doughty Knight;
Challenging the blackest Spright. — —

But how fickle's human Glory,
You shall hear in foll'wing Story — —
Things are very seldom here
Realy solid, as th' appear.

Passing now the Garden by,
G'er the Hedge he cast his Eye; — —
But, alass! what strange Surprize!
Something black! of monstrous Size!
Worse and worse! now Three or Four!
Half a Dozen! half a Score!
Don't his Eyes deceive him? No — —
Look again — — 'Tis realy so — —
What can they be? nothing common — —
'Tis too late for Man or Woman. — —
Cattle have no Bus'ness there
Where the Beans and Turnips are. — —

Now the hardy Knight begins
To repent of all his Sins;
But his greatest cause of Grief
Was his wicked Unbelief — —
Had the Parson been but near,
He had instantly, 'tis clear,
Dy'd like Popish Priest insidious;
For his Doctrine irreligious.

Now prophane, and impious Elf,
Says the Hero to himself,
For thy Incredulity
See a Troop of Daemons nigh!
See how dreadful they advance!
Then he turn'd his Eyes askance. — —

O what Method shall he take?
Shall he stand his Ground, and speak?
What a Qualm at this he feels!
No — he'll sooner take his Heels — —
'Tis no sooner thought than done,
Danger makes the stoutest run — —
Fear gives Feet, — — gives Feet; said I?
Fear gives Wings and makes us fly
Swift as from the Bow an Arrow;
Or to Barn a frighted Sparrow. — —

Whensoe'er our Thoughts deceive us,
Apprehension's loth to leave us — —
Still his Eyes, fixt ghastly, stare,
Still to Bristles change his Hair,
Still he hears the Spirits follow — —
Now they speak with Voice that's hollow — —
Now they pull him by the Coat — —
For his Life who gives a Groat?

Quick the Door, and let him in — —
So, 'tis done — — where have you been?
Not a Word, alass, he's dead!
Bring a Chair — — hold up his Head — —
O my Lady! what a Plight!
She's as dead as is the Knight — —
Fetch the Doctor — — bring some Water — —
Heaven's! what can be the Matter?
Throw it in my Lady's Face — —
Bring the Hartshorn Drops too , Grace — —
What a Mercy! she revives — —
Well, we shant lose both their Lives — —
Madam; us'd he so to be? — —
Blessings on him, — — no not he; — —
Heark, he Groans. — — a Glass of Wine —
Lean your Head, my Dear, on mine — —
Now the Story, if you please — —
You shall hear it by Degrees. — —

Half a hundred Hums and Haughs,
Now and then a longer Pause,
Now and then a Look awry,
To be sure no Ghosts were nigh,
Brought it out in half an Hour — —
None can do beyond their Power. — —

Scarce my Lady could forbear,
All would laugh, did they but dare;
But, in Servant, Sign of Mirth
Was as much as Place was worrh;
And my Lady thought 'twas best
To be merry after Rest.

By themselves it was agreed,
In the Morning Tom and Ned
Should to Dixon 's Garden go:
Further, if they could, to know.

But behold the Truth before!
Dixon bounces at the Door — —
What's your Bus'ness? Where's Sir Harry ?
Please you, I'll your Message carry — —
" Say his Cows are driv'n to Pound
" For a Trespass on my Ground. — —