Classic Poem

What ! offer Marriage to me? yet pretend,
By such an Offer, to be more my Friend;
D'y' think, that it, for Friendship, I can take?
When Slave, and Cuckold, you wou'd of me make;
A Bond-Slave of a Free-Loose Whore-master,
Which, to my Loss, and my Discredit were;
Since, of a Free-man, but to make me so,
A Yok'd Beast, others Drudgery, to do;
With Yoke, and Horns, to load my Neck and Head,
At others Pleasure, to be driv'n, or led;
To draw me in, to th' Marriage-Yoke, and Noose,
You'll pair me with a Rich, Fair, Gentle Spouse;
Who has Two thousand Pound a Year, (you say,)
But I say, he who for it, needs must pay,
His Peace, his Honour, and his Liberty,
A Wife, and Fortune, will too dearly buy;
She likewise is, you tell me, well Ally'd,
A Title, for my Honour, has beside,
Which will increase, to less'ning me, her Pride;
Her Title mine, of Husband, will debase.
Me will, (instead of honouring,) disgrace;
Making her think, She Title has to sway,
And govern him, she shou'd by right, obey;
Of Wit, as Wealth, you tell me, she has Store,
Which will make me her Fool, and Slave, the more;
Good Features, and Good Shapes she has, (you say,)
Then Affectation, takes 'em quite away,
Makes her, on her self, so to dote, that she
Can have no Love, or Liking left, for me;
You tell me, she Good-Natur'd is, and free,
Easie in Fortune is, and of Access,
Then into her, Bold Visiters will press;
If she be Soft-Wax, for Impression she,
At ev'ry Stranger's Need, will ready be,
And, like Wax, often borrow'd be, from me;
Like Soft-Wax, must be blown on, bitten, squeez'd,
Be slabber'd, chaf'd, be roll'd, and then be press'd;
Thus, if she melting Soft-wax prove, (I fear,)
She'll sooner, plainer, make my Crest appear;
And I Wax too, to squeeze her, first must squeeze,
Lease my self to her, but without Release;
Must, for more Freedom, I wou'd with her have,
Of a loose Whore-master, become her Slave;
Whilst, by my Ties on her, she freer grows,
I, more her Bond-Slave for 'em, she more loose;
Therefore, to put off Nuptial Sealing, I,
Will re-convey her, to her Liberty;
For if (as you say,) generous, she be,
Of her Flesh, she to Strangers will be free;
And if much Kindness, to me, she pretends,
She'll prove it to me, loving all my Friends;
My Foes take off, by taking them upon her,
And for my Safety, will expose her Honour;
If Rich she be, she's Proud, and Insolent,
Will think, what she brings, may be by her spent;
If Poor, she may to Men more Humble prove;
For Hire; if Rich, she may buy others Love;
If she loves me, she jealous grows of me;
If I love her, of her so shall I be;
If she be Godly, she'll have Charity,
To make her Friend, of my worst Enemy;
On him, the Kiss of Charity bestow,
And Strip Her self, to cloath the Naked too;
If Proud, she will more Humble Servants have,
Than I can keep; if Humble, be their Slave;
If Fool, she'll Cuckold me for want of Wit;
If she has Wit, the sooner too for it;
If she's Devout, to Church then will she go,
That she may but the greater Sinner grow;
Kneel, Pray there, to be Knelt and Pray'd to, there;
Devout to Heav'n but only will appear,
To have on Earth Devoto's so to her;
Joys only here, and not elsewhere to gain;
More Charity, by Marriage, to maintain,
So to Repentance sooner brings her Man.
Then make no Match for me, my Jockey-Friend,
Who wouldst be Mounting always, all Mankind:
A Match-Maker, so, both for Horse and Man,
Draw'st Friends into their Loss, by Hopes of Gain;
Jocky-like, making a Crimp-Match for me,
To make my Ruine Sport for others be;
Jocky-like, with me, wou'dst, (as others do)
Who cheat their Best Friends, making Matches too;
Giving them Jades to ride on, without Proof,
Such, as for Life, they cannot get red of.