Classic Poem

When you get tight in foreign lands
You never need go slinking:
No female neighbours lift their hands
And say " The Brute! — he's drinking! "
No mischief-maker runs with smiles
To give your wife a notion,
For she may be ten thousand miles
Across the bounding ocean.

O I've been Scottish " fu " all night,
(O'er ills o' life victorious),
And I've been Dutch and German tight,
And French and Dago glorious.
We saw no boa-constrictors then,
In every lady's boa,
Though we got drunk with Antwerp men,
And woke up in Genoa!

When you get tight in foreign lands,
All foreigners are brothers —
You drink their drink and grasp their hands
And never wish for others.
Their foreign ways and foreign songs —
And girls — you take delight in:
The war-whoop that you raise belongs
To the country you get tight in.

When you get tight in a foreign port —
(Or rather bacchanalian),
You need no tongue for love or sport
Save your own good Australian.
(A girl in Naples kept me square —
Or helped me to recover —
For mortal knoweth everywhere
The language of the lover.)

When you get tight in foreign parts,
With tongue and legs unstable,
They do their best, with all their hearts,
And help you all they're able.
Ah me! It was a happy year,
Though all the rest were " blanky " ,
When I got drunk on lager beer,
And sobered up on " swankey " .

Go on, dear youth! deep Learning's path pursue,
And keep her golden treasures still in view;
Search with attention for the shining ore,
Its latent qualities with care explore;
Learn all their diff'rent properties and use,
And gain the depth of subjects most abstruse.
Fair Science is the clue by which we find
Th'intricate lab'rinth of the human mind.
Peruse great Nature's book, and her wise laws,
And in each page trace the Creative Cause.
This will expand and animate thy soul,
Extinguish malice, vanity controll.
With caution fix and chuse the better part;
Ever maintain integrity of heart;
Let sympathetic feelings urge thee strong,
To acts of kindness never in the wrong.
Be this the structure of thy future plan,
And dedicate to God the temple — Man.