VERSE
I want men that I can squeeze,
That I can please, that I can tease.
Two or three or four or more!
What are those fools waiting for?
I want love and I want kissing.
I want more of what I'm missing —
Nobody comes knocking at my front door.
What do they think my knocker's for?
If they don't come soon there won't be any more!
What can the matter be?
REFRAIN
I wash my clothes with Lux,
My etiquette's the best.
I spend my hard-earned bucks
On just what the ads suggest.
Oh dear what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!
I'm full of Kellogg's bran,
Eat GrapeNuts on the sly,
A date is on the can
Of the coffee that I buy.
Oh dear what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!
Oh Beatrice Fairfax, give me the bare facts,
How do you make them fall?
If you don't save me, the things the Lord gave me
Never will be of any use to me at all.
I sprinkle on a dash
Of Fragrance d'Amour
The ads say " makes men rash " —
But I guess their smell is poor!
Oh dear what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!
PATTER
I use Ovaltine and Listerine,
Barbasol and Musterole,
Lifebuoy soap and Flit,
So why ain't I got it?
I use Coca-Cola and Mazola,
Crisco, Lesco, and Marmola,
Ex-Lax, and Vapex,
So why ain't I got sex?
I use Alboline and Maybelline,
Alka-Seltzer, Bromo-Seltzer,
Odorono and Sensation,
So why ain't I got fascination?
My girdles come from Best.
The Times ads say they're chic,
And up above I'm dressed
In the brassiere of the week.
Oh dear what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!
I use Pond's on my skin.
With Ry-Krisp I have thinned.
I get my culture in —
I began Gone with the Wind .
Oh dear what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!
Oh Dorothy Dix, please show me some tricks, please.
I want some men to hold.
I want attention and things I won't mention —
And I want them all before I get too old.
I use Mum every day
And Angelus Lip-Lure,
But still men stay away.
Just like Ivory Soap I'm 99 and 44/100ths percent pure!
I don't know!
I want men that I can squeeze,
That I can please, that I can tease.
Two or three or four or more!
What are those fools waiting for?
I want love and I want kissing.
I want more of what I'm missing —
Nobody comes knocking at my front door.
What do they think my knocker's for?
If they don't come soon there won't be any more!
What can the matter be?
REFRAIN
I wash my clothes with Lux,
My etiquette's the best.
I spend my hard-earned bucks
On just what the ads suggest.
Oh dear what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!
I'm full of Kellogg's bran,
Eat GrapeNuts on the sly,
A date is on the can
Of the coffee that I buy.
Oh dear what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!
Oh Beatrice Fairfax, give me the bare facts,
How do you make them fall?
If you don't save me, the things the Lord gave me
Never will be of any use to me at all.
I sprinkle on a dash
Of Fragrance d'Amour
The ads say " makes men rash " —
But I guess their smell is poor!
Oh dear what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!
PATTER
I use Ovaltine and Listerine,
Barbasol and Musterole,
Lifebuoy soap and Flit,
So why ain't I got it?
I use Coca-Cola and Mazola,
Crisco, Lesco, and Marmola,
Ex-Lax, and Vapex,
So why ain't I got sex?
I use Alboline and Maybelline,
Alka-Seltzer, Bromo-Seltzer,
Odorono and Sensation,
So why ain't I got fascination?
My girdles come from Best.
The Times ads say they're chic,
And up above I'm dressed
In the brassiere of the week.
Oh dear what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!
I use Pond's on my skin.
With Ry-Krisp I have thinned.
I get my culture in —
I began Gone with the Wind .
Oh dear what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!
Oh Dorothy Dix, please show me some tricks, please.
I want some men to hold.
I want attention and things I won't mention —
And I want them all before I get too old.
I use Mum every day
And Angelus Lip-Lure,
But still men stay away.
Just like Ivory Soap I'm 99 and 44/100ths percent pure!
I don't know!