Guilty Tranquility

I should have no peace
I should know no joy
No, none at all
My life shall be
Barren and empty
For why should I know any sweetness?
When I never let you live

Aborted from my womb
Your dreams ended
Before they even had a chance to begin
I let myself be swept away
In a moment
I agreed to the unthinkable
Gave you up
To keep your father
Who left in the end anyway

I swear
I'd go back
Change it all
If I could
In a heartbeat
But what's done is done
And there are no second chances
For you or I
There is only this
Sitting here
Alone in my room at night
And every day feeling
Knowing nothing but this
Guilty tranquility
Consuming me

2016 Ramona Thompson