(and Again)
hating love
and loving hatred
I let myself drown again
(I only come up for the gasp and sputter) and again
I don’t want it to be anyone’s fault but my own
it was my fault that I didn’t put context to clichés
(I saw romance in the destruction)
even though I always knew
he was a hurricane of a man
lightning breaks the earth
winds reign ruin
it was my fault that I imagined the stars to be something other than what they are
(they’re bombs)
(their purpose is to rupture)
I just saw the glimmer and shine of (his) grin
in inky darkness (against red lips)
yes, it was he
whose eyes lit the spark and smile spread the (blue – the hottest part) flame
yet I dared myself to play with fire
his hands did not close around my throat
(I was stupid to once think it was he who suffocated me)
I was the one who tied the rope
and stepped off the chair
and it was I
who didn’t realize I was falling
until I hit the ground
hating love
and loving hatred
it was My fault and only Mine
I took the red flags
and hung them like banners on my wall
I closed my eyes
before pulling the trigger
(pretending – I suppose – not to know where the bullet would land)
My head is devoid of oxygen
My lungs are filled with water
in My stomach there is a gaping hole –
a wound that I have inflicted upon myself
whose pain I revel (self-pity, wallow, I am the axis upon which the world turns) in
hating love and loving hatred
(never new)
(romantically redundant)
Everyone’s Fault



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