Member Poem

There are times when it seems like love just isn't enough
When everything that surrounds you begins to cave in,
and you feel as if you are drowning in the chaos.

Those are the times that even the sweetest touch feels like a stinging
nettle against soft flesh, once warm kisses have turned to ice,
and the loving words that once filled our ears have turned bitter
and hateful...

How do we survive this? Who do we turn to in these times and who
do we turn away from? Is there hope for the broken?
A million questions and not a single answer... Confusion, chaos...
Turmoil, rage...where do we direct this hopelessness?

Which direction do I go when all I have to follow is a restless heart
and a broken compass to guide me through life? Endless disappoinments
and misguided dreams, nightmares that haunt me and memories
that destroy me, a caged past that I cannot seem to find freedom from.

I begrudgingly make it through each day with a smile upon my lips
Not certain who I am trying to convince more, myself or others that
I am ok. With every look in a mirror my reflection grows more
Hauntingly hollow as the light fades away from my eyes...

I seem not to mind as much as I used to, I have grown accustomed
to the dark circles and sallow skin, the bloodshot eyes that lack life..
I lack even the strength for a desire to care about my appearance.

Days go by without a notice life seems to be an endless groundhogs day
Just repeating itself over and over adding more chaos and destruction
As it cycles...

The hours grow longer with no witness to the rising nor the setting sun
But what does that matter if I cannot separate East from West
Nor day from night?

I am now uncertain that I know what is real and what is not anymore..
I see things that cannot be there, I hear things that I cannot decipher...

My mind is in constant turmoil, I question my sanity every waking moment.
Maybe it is a mental illness, schizophrenia possibly, paranoid delusions perhaps?

The chatter, the static it never stops, I close my eyes, breathe in slowly and focus...
Still I cannot make out the words that swarm my ears nor the images that burn my eyes
and make me question my mental stability....

Am I crazy? or could this all be real?