Member Poem

I’m sorry I didn’t smile back.
I didn’t smile back at the smile I love the most.
I’m too broken for that.
Oh, you don’t know what that is?
It’s okay, please just don’t ridicule it.
Trust me, I’m not lying.
I'm broken, and I don’t know why.
Maybe it’s the way you nag me all day long,
Maybe it’s the way you remind me of all my flaws,
Before I've even gotten out of bed.
But I don’t blame you,
You know I could never do that.
You’ve crossed seas and climbed mountains for me,
Maybe this is the way I pay back.
Maybe I pay you back with tears and blood,
And a duct-taped heart

Do you see me?
Do you know who I am?
Oh, you don’t?
I'm glad that you don’t.
Because isn’t showing our real selves the worst deed to do?
“Be kind”, they say,
“But not to yourself” remains silent.
Mom, am I a bad person if I stand up for what’s right?
Papa, am I the worst child ever for speaking out about the things that go wrong inside my mind?
Would you ridicule my dead body, with scars of a slashed wrist?
The same way you ridiculed me when I told you I was blank?
But maybe this is how I pay you back,
I pay you back with tears and blood,
And a duct-taped heart.

I feel horrible when you remind me you’re gonna die soon.
Are suicide threats so easy to spill over?
I'm glad that at least your not so serious words are taken seriously.
I can never die, I'm just faking.
My heart is bleeding out.
I'm praying to god to not take you away,
Because if He does,
I’ll consider myself to be the one to blame.
And I can’t take that anymore.
I can’t take this anymore.
But maybe this is how I pay you back,
I pay you back with tears and blood,
And a duct-taped heart.