Member Poem

we were always living in tension

loss will do that to a family

the atmosphere always seemed strained

like that uneasy stillness before a storm

we were afraid to speak truth less we broke the air

as if words would unleash the torrent

and so, to avoid the damage of a "storm"

many honest words were never spoken

*

he would sit in his recliner

eyes wide open, mouth agape

a man either gone insane or dead

"Dad? Dad?  DAD!?

no response at all

I would poke him in the chest

pat his face as if trying to revive

sit on his lap

scream at him, "DAD!"

*

Fear welling inside of me

I was just a kid

what was I supposed to do?

Fear turned to anger

what was his problem!?

How could he do this to me?

no longer a father but a grotesque gargoyle

In my anger I'd give up, go away

*

He always came back around

nothing was ever mentioned about his state

he acted like nothing had ever happened

and I, afraid of unleashing the torrent

many honest words never spoken

the atmosphere so fragile

the storm so threatening

*

years have gone by

for years he's been gone

and that damnable storm still lingers over me

and the honest words I’ve never spoken

I finally say today

"Dad, in those moments, I hated you

I hate you still for those moments"