HIM

His forceful hands grazed the pale skin coating my rib cage in the front seat of his van.
A public parking lot on a first date did not go as I planned.
I followed the orders he would command obeying each demand with fear to refuse.
He removed the clothes from my innocent skin as my body realized this fight I would surely lose.
 
Weeks after that date he tied a leash around my neck and trapped me in his cage like his little pet.
"Babe I love you." He whispered as he forced my pants to the ground and moved aside the unseen.
A drunken teen lost sight of reality striving to be the queen of his castle. Pain tugged my mind and it demanded to scream “no".
To this day my mother could never know; that her baby girl lost sight of the world for less than a moment, losing an irreplaceable gift by God from Hell an omen.
 
I felt drunk on fear with slurred speech, hope eloped my mind as I dreamt to be free.
But it is my fault for I chose my poison December 2015 and bowed down to his powerful royalty.
I drank his dependence trying to replace my empty soul with pleasurable pain
and murder my mind so skin and bones are all that remain.
 
Security in educational hallways demand our hands do part till next class,
but my other half snickered with threatening sass. My jaw dropped as his fist greeted her face.
My voice went deaf silenced by awe and I stood frozen in place.
The hands he laid on her are cuffed from behind,
the silver medal a gift from the devil an agreement he has signed.
 
He begged for my forgiveness and I took the risk to feel something more than this depression shit. His love made me sick, but I was so blinded by sadness I never saw the abuse I was put through. From head to toe, sexual intentions are all that met his eye,
telling me he fell in love with me was such a fucking lie as he lay on top of me another night.
He threw money at my shoes each time before abuse wanting to give me some worth,
before he used my body for selfish needs praying this woman would never give birth.
 
I strangled my heart with a lovely rope and now a beautiful blade is all used to cope.
I lost my life in 2015, but I never gave up searching for hope or a reason to believe I could become clean.
10 months later the person I dreamt to be was reflected in the mirror, the mirror right in front of me.
That independent girl I see is more than he would ever have allowed me to be.

Year: 
2016
Forums: 
Poetry Reading: 
Caitlin J. O'Brien

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