Member Poem

Yours truly pinned down by invisible
vestiges of coronavirus and
getting attacked from angry plague
of buttons, plus huge spools of yarn
grossly mistook me for human sock
to seal and line with something foreign
sewing lips impossible mission
even to force out
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
(even ventriloquist like) argh gosh darn
smarting with horse sense
Equus caballus hilariously snorting
cuz door left ajar
allowing, enabling, and
providing exit from out the barn.

H. Ty Warner's
ingenious imaginative creations
(a craze that swept America circa
second half of ninety nineties -
and furious at their worthlessness today)
hungry carnivorous, ferocious,
insidious, ludicrous, opprobrious...
anything but innocent looking playthings,
where sharp hairs

bristle, kindle, and ruffle
and upper and lower sharp teeth engage
abandoned beanie baby brood
massive collections spouse accrued,
when said toys all the rage
uttered courtesy buttoned down sage
at auction in two thousand twenty two
might look as small fortune
worth a few thousand dollars
no matter adamantly refuse
being sold to highest bidder.

Beanie Babies from exclusive events,
the Original Nine designs,
first-generation releases,
and even toys with tag errors
can fetch a pretty penny
in the collector's market.

Overrun livingsocial hotmail
by teddy bears and beanie babies
bright idea of zee missus aye air
without any last thread bare
bequeathing, dedicating, forwarding 
aforementioned merchandise
to whomever subtly nods head so beware
(yes if you barely
shake noggin) that automatically translates
as goodies non-negotiably sold to thee

signed, sealed and delivered
courtesy wordsmith
duck quacking Doctor Demento,
who forewarns patrons to clear
out and vacate premises asap
lest malingerers experience testament
becoming subjected to she/her
addressed as gaseous spouse
id est "my little buttock blaster” dear
surviving kin who ranks 
holy smokes - for obvious reasons,

and before she begat two 'ere
rip press ably lovely daughters),
anyway thee wife I fear
to publicize, she contracted
benign strain sans incurable glare
to this knit wit – if anyone kin hear
ring house cleaning malady,
thus far no unpronounceable hair
who offers chance to jeer
wag middle finger quite visibly near

heck – even call
guardian angel on wing and prayer
or rumplestiltskin with tiny
ear splitting flatulence sounding rear
help rescue me,
who will button his lips I swear
with duct tape and mouth sealed
with ropy hemp
painstakingly made courtesy
“I hate boys” under wear
now quick travel back
in time from this year.

Come breathe with Justin,
he sports nuff timber alive
analogous rock of Gibraltar to belay
lake nsync with Beastie Boys
viz Bay City Rollers Culture
Clubbing babes upon spring day
engrossed in this, that,
or some other sweeping floor foray
(linkedin to Velveteen Rabbit)
shedding gun metal gray
filled stack of hay

winter coat when
warmer temperatures arrive,
where humongous fur clumps lay
comprising sudden empty raft
of shelf space minus a may
which event no picnic in may
nor pleasant as per needled
zing globules, oh...
lemme get on track,
whence frenzied fever
"cleaning bug" nee
major virus afflicting wife

necessitates impossible task
strapping former bachelorette
feisty Norwegian farm gal
straight laced as a yellowjacket
livingsocial within droning hive,
be game to play
24/7 challenged,
I unsuspectingly quickly sink oye
which nearest prey
happened to be yours truly,
destined to get submerged

as black lagoon creatures’ pray
trending and feigning solution
to null solution e quay
I hired devious skullduggery
Smokey and Bandits),
an imp posse sub bill
outlaw gang), who lived lichen
Aristo cur Rat along the quay
boot tiring and cruel task
of her life Yukon say
shun didst tax patience for today

doth not wish
to witness condemned self
to uber fifth dimension
housing after lives like tiny Tim
plays ukulele, where eye espy
which unpredictable timeframe remaining
lifetime sans wife oy vey
would frank lee zap
every last oomph of mine
if able to remain with spouse
meanwhile she obliviously

proverbially plucks persistently
sprouting stranded follicles
tiller broad forehead resembles
a minuscule tarmac way
Kantian fractal facial expressions
where disembodied spirits
sup on diet of worms and whey
whose effervescent essence
invisible as an x-ray
sewing seeds of life
and white lily repeated onslaught
with buttons and yarn ah feign YAY.