Member Poem

Lights on
A porcelain white cloaks my walls
And it seems to conjure up the purity of life
There’s nothing in the room so far
A tan four-legged table for sure to keep things standing
And a black vase that seems to keep a yellow chrysanthemum prisoner
Is it a source of disturbance? Prediction, maybe?
They think I'm going insane
Little do they know that there’s still a flame of sanity burning brightly before I do
No one knows for sure what they see in me
They think they can beseech a diagnosis out of me, and it makes me sick
Afterward, a sudden wave of lies follow
My heart remains to be made of glowing gold
It can be pounded with a tool out of hate and desire to shape any ugly thing
Until all that remains is something small or unrecognizable
They trapped me in here with influences of joy and hope so I could ignore the discontent that resides in my mind
But they don’t want to realize the truth so, shield me
From the coats of lies like the polish on the floors
Brace yourself from a dire stigma that takes form of a girl
Because the truth is I’m an experiment
Gone wrong of course, but you already knew what happens to experiments
They need to be eliminated but not yet
I had to be scrubbed away of any hope drain me of a brisk healthy
Take-charge of this ball of fire transform me into a new and refreshing blur of wicked
Disillusionize me from any reassurance bleed me dry from any humanity that’s itching to stay
Obliterate me from the care in my salty tears fulfill me with chagrin
Trap me in a room with a midnight black vase and a bright yellow flower
And let me fathom a beautiful sight of death with silence
The vase is the gun the flower a bullet that I couldn’t dodge
It pierced my heart tainted my life
They placed me in another room before this everything opposite of the one after it
It was a jet black that covered the walls, and only
A white vase, but no flower instead
Just the petals that are too faded to tell what color resided before it
And cast an ugly brown instead
Crinkled and dwindled of life
Like I thought was going to be me in the future
Its too fortunate that flowers die faster that humans
I was kept in that room
Only the obsidian walls were dead on when it came to outlining my tarnished heart
Black traced it like a border, not fully interfering yet
Lights off
There wasn’t a sudden stop of footsteps that was supposed to be my rescue under the door
I’m lost in limbo it became too much for me to handle
Finally, the depravity that has waited so long took control of my heart
No border to separate the good and bad
I should have known that it was sullied at the beginning, that it was a cancer that I was too blind to see
Lights on
It annihilated me but it was relieving me of my sorrows
No more tears wide eyes of curiosity as I stare at an art of obscurity
Metamorphose me from a girl to a doormat stain me with mud after a hard day
Control me until I’m someone else’s burden are you tired of me yet?
Erase any empathy you have for me block out any noises you hear
Look me in the eye and tell me when they’re going to waste my last moments with words
Or don’t
Surprise me with a spur of the moment make me mortified with my mistakes
I get off on it the darkness
Know who I am comprehend that I’m not like the others who failed as well
Trounce me by making me look at an image of beautiful death attempt to subdue me
Create an endeavor to evoke any bad emotion from me don’t let me stay in this ill-starred life
Let me shiver of my shame as I wonder of my own freedom
Make me stare at a lovely death in the eye plague my head with pretty thoughts
My body is weak I feel faint
Let me flash a fake smile ponder about what comes after this
Fade away from the world slowly with an audience on the edge of their seats
As I whisper goodbye my eyes blinking and reopening slowly
I’m full of pixels the flower is still there but being blacked out quickly
I'm disintegrating from the world hastily breath by breath
I fell to the ground a loud landing followed
I’m sorry I couldn’t do it I loved being a subject of evil too much
The flame was blown out in a rush so I guess
Lights off