Member Poem

- This is me
Afraid of this mediocrity
Never content with the status quo
The world tells me I”m crazy cause I should be happy with what I have
None of this means I”m not grateful
But I want different
And there is nothing wrong with wanting better for myself
For the longest time it feels like I’ve been stuck in purgatory
A place scarier than heaven or hell
The state of nothingness
And I never want to be caught there ever again
I tell myself that if I’m ever the same person this time next year then I did something wrong
I never want to be who I was the year before’
I strive for change, evolution, and growth
And all that only occurs through experiences and putting myself through discomfort and challenges
Plants don’t grow in the shade
And the human spirit doesn’t soar without discovering the stumbles in its paces

- You ever think about how your shadows dance with the street lights
You let yourself dance with your own silhouette
The same goes for how your ego interacts with truth
This persona you adopted occasionally interacts, but more often than not clashes with raw authenticity
Your truth often lies in the shadow of your ego
But you may not realize it and then believe that your ego is who you actually are
You sort of become like the cavemen in PLat’os Allegory of The Cave
In the sense that you think your shadows are something or someone else entirely
People are afraid of what they don’t know or understand
Hence why they don’t go looking in the dark
Therefore never trying to see what is in their shadow
And never getting the full view of the profile they exhibit when a light is shined upon them
Don’t be the monster who’s afraid of their own darkness.

- I’m practicing being human.
I’m allowing myself failure.
Giving myself time.
Trying things.
Understanding, accepting, and letting go.
Knowing that I will never know what the future actually holds.
Most things are out of my control and all I can really be sure of is myself. My love, my perceptions, my identity, sense of purpose, my wants, needs, failures, and changes.
I can set the stage as much as I can but at anypoint it can crumble and collapse.
Setting a whole different scene.
I can sit, lay, and burn in my own truths as the world gets drowned out by the sparks and flames of my fleeting thoughts and feelings.
And I’ll stay there.
Till I’m ready to rise out of my own ashes.
And I’ll continue forward.
Forever practicing what it means to be alive.
Living my version of being human.

- These waves of insecurity hit everytime I see you.
They strike like the hand of an angry parent.
Or the words of hurt from a loved one.
My care seems to take a backseat to my fears of loneliness and abandonment. My mind travels to dark and absurd spaces when I don’t see you. You tell me you love me.
And you reassure me that I’m the only one you want.
But the lack of love I have for myself makes me convince myself otherwise.
My insecurities are what stomp on the foundation of truth and support that we have fostered underneath us.
I feel myself falling for you more and more with each passing second.
And I’m picking up speed.
Faster than a speeding bullet.
And I”m scared.
But I like it.
And I don’t wanna catch myself.

-
Hold me
Love me
Until the lights blow out
And we can sit in each others darkness
With nothing but the warmth that radiates from our hearts
As we free ourselves from our own mind
And into the arms of each other
With all our misfortunes and past selves far beyond us in this darkness
Our souls have finally met their match
And ignite
Lighting our truest selves on full display
And as we swell up in flames
We grow brighter and brighter
With nothing in our way

- It all starts with a seed
And if we water that seed with any tears we shed
It grows and blossoms
Growing out stems of insecurity and regretting vulnerabilities
Thorns of discontent and heavy hearts
And petals of vivid dreams we wish for ourselves
Nectar of love and acceptance we keep the deepest within us
May our love never be predicated on the distrust, lies, and misfortune we have for ourselves