There was a man who had a clock,
— His name was Matthew Mears;
And every day he wound that clock
— For eight and twenty years.

And then one day he found that clock
— An eight-day clock to be,
And a madder man than Matthew Mears
— You would not wish to see.

There was a man of our town,
—And he was wondrous wise,
He jumped into a bramble bush,
—And scratched out both his eyes:

But when he saw his eyes were out,
—With all his might and main,
He jumped into another bush,
—And scratched 'mdash in again.

There was a man, now please take note,
There was a man, who had a goat,
He lov'd that goat, indeed he did,
He lov'd that goat, just like a kid.

One day that goat felt frisk and fine,
Ate three red shirts from off the line.
The man he grabbed him by the back,
And tied him to a railroad track.

But when the train hove into sight,
That goat grew pale and green with fright.
He heaved a sigh, as if in pain,
Coughed up those shirts and flagged the train.

There was a man in Arkansaw
As let his passions rise,
And not unfrequently pick'd out
Some other varmint's eyes.

His name was Tuscaloosa Sam,
And often he would say,
" There's not a cuss in Arkansaw
I can't whip any day. "

One morn, a stranger passin' by,
Heard Sammy talkin' so,
When down he scrambled from his hoss,
And off his coat did go.

He sorter kinder shut one eye,
And spit into his hand,
And put his ugly head one side,
And twitch'd his trousers' band.

There was a lord of worthy fame
and a hunting he would ride;
Attended by a noble train
of gentry by his side.

And whilst he did in chase remain,
to see both sport and play,
His lady went, as she did feign,
unto the church to pray.

This lord he had a daughter fair,
whose beauty shin'd so bright,
She was belov'd both far and near,
of many a lord and knight.

Fair Isabella was she call'd,
a creature fair was she;
She was her father's only joy,
as you shall after see.

But yet her cruel step-mother,

There was a little rabbit sprig,
Which being little was not big;
He always walked upon his feet,
And never fasted when he eat.
When from a place he did run away,
He never at that place did stay;
And when he ran, as I am told,
He ne'er stood still for young or old
Tho' ne'er instructed by a cat,
He knew a mouse was not a rat;
One day, as I am certified,
He took a whim and fairly died:
And, as I'm told, by men of sense,
He never has been walking since.

There was a little man,
And he had a little gun,
And his bullets were made of lead, lead, lead;

He shot Johnny Sprig
Through the middle of his wig,
And knocked it right off his head, head, head.

There was a little Guinea-pig,
Who, being little, was not big;
He always walked upon his feet,
And never fasted when he eat.

When from a place he ran away,
He never at that place did stay;
And while he ran, as I am told,
He ne'er stood still for young or old.

He often squeaked, and sometimes vi'lent,
And when he squeaked he ne'er was silent:
Though ne'er instructed by a cat,
He knew a mouse was not a rat.

One day, as I am certified,
He took a whim, and fairly died;
And as I 'm told by men of sense,

There was a lady lived in a hall,
Large in the eyes, and slim and tall;
And ever she sung from noon to noon,
Two red roses across the moon.

There was a knight came riding by
In early spring, when the roads were dry;
And he heard that lady sing at the noon,
Two red roses across the moon.

Yet none the more he stopp'd at all,
But he rode a-gallop past the hall;
And left that lady singing at noon,
Two red roses across the moon.

Because, forsooth, the battle was set,
And the scarlet and blue had got to be met,

There was a lady fine and gay,
She was so neat and trim;
She went unto her own garden-wall,
To see her own ships come in.

And there she spied her daughter Jane,
Who lookd so pale and wan:
" What, have you had some long sickness,
Or lain with some young man?"

" No, I have had no long sickness,
Nor lain with no young man:"
Her petticoats they were so short,
She was full nine months gone.

" Oh is it by some nobleman?
Or by some man of fame?
Or is it by Johnny Barbary,
That 's lately come from Spain?"