Year: 
2019

Behind the front that lifes events dont scar, for where she wanted to be, she hasnt gotten that far. The lump in her throat grows bigger, and feels like a chunk of lead, as the thoughts begin to swirl inside of her head. Clocks ticking, theres no picking, sides are meant for those that are drifting, trying to hold on but her fingers are slipping, cant put her back together, the pieces are missing.

Resents her father, but why even bother, shes grown more and more like him, and more and more not her. Sounding like the person she loves but wants to hate, comparing herself and now suffering the fate, that what he was trying to do, she could now relate to, and even though she refused to accept, she knew it to be true. Denials not an easy wall to climb over, you see, she's been climbing for some time now and still she isnt free.

Drawing lines, not to cross and writing promises in chalk, you'd think it would help to just sit down and talk, but instead thats when the fear will stalk, and she reexamines circumstances, and away she'll walk. Regardless of who or if they care it's rough, its paranoia she fights with and its very tough. Its a battle in her head, way too filled with stuff, and no matter how she swings, it isnt hard enough.

Exhausted, feels like shes been hit by a mack truck, she wouldnt have anything, if she didnt have bad luck. Couldnt go buy a shot a courage with one buck. Try to get out of this slump, but shes mad stuck, and nobody really seems to give a single fuck.

Nerves aching, body shaking, her mind is the darkness' prize for the taking, trying to rebuild and steadily breaking, but it's all good, right? She's probably just 'faking'
Its cool up until she starts losing her shit, then people are quick to get pissed about it, not realizing that their pieces dont fit, and the flames that her fury would surely emit.

Time to close this off again, keep struggling though she'll never win. Now everybody is a little worn thin, so its time to end this, like she chose to begin. Internalize and shut it away, write it out every other day, all the words she cant seem to say, just to keep the nightmares at bay.

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