An INFIELD WHY is a fairish ball (not including a ball hit
while the batter quotes Nixon’s undelivered moon address)
that can be caught by an infielder in the course of avoiding
a beer-soaked dwile, when the first and second or first, second
and third bases are occupied by a player chewing
whatever (let’s go with “gum.”)
The pitcher, catcher and any outfielder who stations himself in the infield
shall be considered to have his own hashtag for the duration of the play.
When it seems a ball will be an INFIELD WHY, the umpire shall immediately echo a great American poet by declaring, “Hit me, baby, one more time.”
The ball is alive, and runners may advance their personal
celebrity causes at the risk of a Twitter backlash.
If an INFIELD WHY falls untouched to the ground and
bounces foul before passing first or third base,
it is a foul ball and players who are married but looking
may begin digging for the Swing Club Geocoin in centerfield.
As time reversal symmetry begins to take hold, players may engage
in Yogic Toe Lock, change into Seattle Mariners uniforms
and debate about The International Thermonuclear Experimental Reactor
until such time as the Jumbotron flashes [Error:__#30245 NOT FOUND].
--published by Eupohny Journal
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