Classic Poem

I WAS the leader of them, dominant and masterful,
Sternly supervising how the lunch should be prepared.
With hard-boiled eggs and sandwiches, of condiments a caster full,
And packs of paper napkins, from our domicile we fared.
Loud were the wailings of our offspring, young and petulant,
Holding up our starting—if you get just what I mean;
But at last we turned our faces toward the great wide open spaces,
To the great wide open spaces where the wind blows clean.

Then spake my wife to me, loudly and insultingly,
Telling me to sound my horn, and not to drive so fast.
Gil and Ada in the rear spake harshly and exultingly,
Saying that I should have turned the street before the last,
Loud was the weeping and the wailing of our child again.
Once again we stopped the car—this time for oil and gas.
Then rejoicing in a tank full, off we started glad and thankful
For the wind-swept, gypsy highways, and the scent of fresh cut grass.

Then 'neath the noonday sun deposited our flivver us,
There, at my direction, was our luncheon quickly spread.
The local animalculæ, ferocious and carnivorous,
Attacked us by battalions on the arms and, face and head.
Shrill shrieked our darling child, vociferously clamorous,
Seeking the attentions that a mother can bestow,
Until filled with peanut butter, hard-boiled eggs and such-like clutter,
We observed that it was raining, and 'twas time for us to go.

Home through the lashing rain we turned our flivver presently.
Caustic were the comments of my fond and faithful spouse.
Gil and Ada in the rear discussed us most unpleasantly
Amid the wailing of our child until we reached our house.
So hey for the open road, and all that silly sort of thing,
The jolly gypsy highway, if I make my meaning clear.
Let the poets sing about it, I can gladly do without it,
For I've had enough of outdoor life to last me for a year.